That is the question, and one on which I have frequently reflected in my absence.
You see, I've done it again. I've unintentionally taken a really long break from blogging since family life got busy and now I feel like I have to apologize, explain my absence, and re-evaluate my commitment to blogging.
Is it just me, or have you also noticed that the blogging world has become more sophisticated in recent months? Top-quality photos, Facebook and Pinterest Pins, Google sharing, sponsorship, give-aways, linking, blogging conferences, advertising, etc. On-line presence. Every day blogging. A part time job! It all makes me feel disqualified and I fall into the trap of comparison and discontent. I do not blog on a laptop and don't own a fancy camera. I'm way behind the curve.
I can't promise that I will never explore these lucrative aspects of blogging (earning some extra money would be most welcome) but to tell the truth, in this season of motherhood I would rather not be . . . beholden. {My friend M. shared this most perfect term to describe our shared sentiment}
My ship is full enough to sail steadily with focus. Add more weight and the vessel may sink. The last few months our family has been uncomfortable busy. Almost hyper-busy. I don't like hyper-busy. Ironically, I despise hyper-busy in other families. We've become . . . one of them. Until this weekend, I think I forgot how to relax and enjoy life.
It's all my own doing and it's high time to slow down. After another month of busy {a homeschool conference, gall bladder removal, ballet recital, theater day camp, orchestra day camp, a birthday, and continued weekly lessons in ballet, piano, violin and karate} our family will look forward to a new academic year with only two activities per child, not three. More weeknight family dinners, more afternoon tea times. More hand crafts and less driving, driving, driving.
Margins. I need margins to relax, focus, play, reflect, read, cook from scratch, bake cakes, plan, sort, organize, think, pray, communicate, chronicle, NOTICE others, train character, breathe, not react out of stress, bathe the little ones, watch them run around the yard chasing bubbles, hug my kids, sit on the floor and play with my two year old, talk to my husband, call my mom, call a friend, get together with friends, leave the house five minutes early, sleep a few hours before midnight, whatever.
I need more of all of this and I just can't do it if I am spending hours of time and brain power on blogging. The rest of life seems to need us to be at the computer reading newsletters, printing forms, paying bills, planning field trips, shopping, reading message boards, and planning curriculum. When the kids go outside, so should I. Otherwise I will miss watching my five year old blowing bubbles with all her might and chasing them around the yard.
Plus, do you know why I named this blog "Pinewood Castle" in the first place? Other than our home backing up to a belt of towering pines (shown on my never-changing banner)? Did I ever tell you?
It came to me after pondering Casti Conubii (On Christian Marriage), a papal encyclical by Pope Pius XI from 1930. When adressing the "emancipation of women" and thus being freed from the "ruling of the domestic society, the administration of family affairs and the rearing of the children" the advice is this:
75. This, however, is not the true emancipation of woman, nor that rational and exalted liberty which belongs to the noble office of a Christian woman and wife; it is rather the debasing of the womanly character and the dignity of motherhood, and indeed of the whole family, as a result of which the husband suffers the loss of his wife, the children of their mother, and the home and the whole family of an ever watchful guardian. More than this, this false liberty and unnatural equality with the husband is to the detriment of the woman herself, for if the woman descends from her truly regal throne to which she has been raised within the walls of the home by means of the Gospel, she will soon be reduced to the old state of slavery (if not in appearance, certainly in reality) and become as amongst the pagans the mere instrument of man.
Regal throne! Ladies, Pope Pius XI said we sit on a regal throne! When we are too busy or away from home too much to care for our family, "the husband suffers the loss of his wife, the children of their mother, and the home and the whole family of an ever watchful guardian".
This message is what moved me to decide to take my role as mother and home educator more seriously, helped me to stop seeking a part time job, to be better with the budget and living within our means, to be willing to live on the edge sometimes, and to help me encourage my husband with his work and career.
Even though mom bloggers typically work from home (or the coffee shop), and usually after kids are lovingly tucked in bed, the more I listen and I read the more frequently I hear bloggers express their struggle to balance online life with real life, to step away from the computer and email and Facebook and Twitter and Pinterest. Not always, but often, the computer is an escape from the distasteful aspects of our vocations. The mess, the tantrums, the poopy diapers, the laundry, the dishes, the squabbles, the incessant mom mom mom mom mom mom.
(He's getting a haircut)
Computer time is solitary, clean, quiet. We need this sometimes. I know - I'm an introvert. But at least for me, I need to be free - to be able to step away whenever I need to, and as long as I need to, without enslaving myself to the screen.
So, as much as I enjoy reading amazing blogs and respect my fellow bloggers and all of the work they put into their blogs, I hope you like Pinewood Castle the way it's been - because for now, it's staying that way.
{And I will try this week to carve out some time to catch up around here - but after kids are in bed and I've spent time with my husband!}
