Pinewood Castle

How the Egg-Free Girl is Doing

My little girl is a different child these days.

She talks more, she smiles more, she hugs more.

She says funny little things like, "Why is morning always the first thing?"

She has even gained three pounds since being off of eggs. This makes me wonder now if my skin and bones son has a food allergy.

We are still learning the ropes of the egg allergy world. We have a lot to learn about candy and fast food and packaging labels. Like Annie's bunny crackers that are made on shared equipment - are they safe for her? I am afraid to try, especially after our chicken nugget episode.

After quizzing the guy at the Wendy's drive-through about which products had egg and which did not, I was assured that the chicken nuggets did not have egg so I ordered them for her. By the time we reached our destination she was acting irritable. When we got home she threw an hour long tantrum before crashing on her floor. As soon as she woke up she resumed the tantrum for another hour. Somewhere in there I managed to check the Wendy's website only to discover that their chicken nuggets are fried in the same oil as food with egg ingredients.

I am incredibly grateful for the knowledgeable moms who have emailed me with tips and recipes. Keep it coming, please - I am a little overwhelmed but eventually it will all sink in.

In the meantime our budding girl has moved from drawing faces to adding arms and legs - M&M people.

One morning she colored one little red dot, held it up and announced, "This is a tiny, tiny baby in the womb!"

So precious. Such a joy. I cried tears of surprise and joy that day! I actually look forward to spending time with now instead of dreading what the day will bring with her. That's the way it should be. I am grateful for this little blog and the reader who prompted me to have her tested. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Every Six Months

Today we made the the bi-annual trek to the dentist. We drive into the cities to be able to see someone specialized in holistic dentistry (no mercury fillings). With the weekday morning traffic this trip typically takes over an hour. This morning was no different - each interstate we tried was tied up with accidents due to yesterday's 12+" snowfall.

My husband is on his own appointment schedule but I schedule my appointment on the same day as the children's. Luckily, my husband has always worked more or less close to this dentist's location and usually comes along to watch the littles while the rest of us get scraped and polished and then we all go out to lunch. The older girls are just not quite old enough to be left in the waiting room with the baby and a 3yo.

On the up side, we were cavity-free for the first time in a long time and we do not have to go back for another six months! (Must be because I actually flossed a few times!) We decided to buy this Vitality electric toothbrush for the children with four interchangeable heads and try to keep up the good work. We got to see Dad all morning and lunch at the Neapolitan pizza place was tasty as usual.

On the down side, over the years it gets harder for Joe to get away from his increasing responsibilities at work. I feel guilty about taking up his whole morning and asking him to help me out. How does a homeschooling mom of many (without parents or in-laws nearby to babysit) get to the dentist any other way? What do you do?

 

Eggscellent Behavior?

For months now I have had a hunch that our family doctor believes I am in denial about my three year old whirling dervish. I think that he thinks that I must not want to admit that her daily tantrums are simply due to her strong temperament or (worse) to my ineffective discipline methods. As a parent of young children himself, he has sympathized with me and laughed along with me but in the end I have felt like a failure as a mother - because I can't get my little girl under control.  I have questioned him over and over whether her temper could be caused by some physical discomfort and he has humored me over and over by testing for this and for that. Every test result has yielded a negative result - until today.

A dear reader recently suggested food allergy testing after viewing my last post so I reluctantly phoned the appointment line and requested our doctor to send in lab orders for testing. After piano lessons yesterday we stopped by the clinic and I shuttled the children across the snowy parking lot in seven degree weather. My little girl bravely bore the sight of a needle in her arm as we tried to keep her mind on the prized band-aid. When it was over I could not tell if she was laughing or crying - but it was in fact a laugh followed by, "That willy huwt!"

When the clinic called today I was fully expecting another negative test result so the news that she actually has an egg allergy caught me by surprise. I have spent all evening thinking about how hard it has been to get her to eat eggs at all and how much we have pushed them, thinking that some protein in the morning would help stabilize her.

In the short term we will continue this chart we started last week with the coveted Lalaloopsy doll as a prize. I do hope there is a correlation here between the egg allergy and her behavior and that a solution has been found. Time will tell. In the meantime - where do I go from here? Can anyone tell me the best website for more info or the best egg-free baking book out there?

Realism for 2010

Like I said, I wish I could begin my Bucket List this year, but with a baby on the way I will be fortunate to maintain any amount of order or organization I have fought so hard to attain the last ten years. Here's what my Bucket List contains thus far:

• Take English country dance at the Tapestry Folkdance Center.
• Learn calligraphy really well, illumination and all.
• Get a really good camera and learn how to use it.
• Learn to knit more than just scarves.
• Buy equipment, learn to camp and take kids to state and national parks.
• Find another family to camp with.
• Learn a foreign language well and attend a camp at Concordia Language Village.
• Visit Paris, Canada, England, New England and Hawaii.
• Pick up genealogy study where my late aunt left off and visit Poland to dig for more info about the Von F's.
• Design and market Mary Garden seed packets and plans.
• Write a unit study based on Aesop Fables including virtues with scripture quotes and animal arts and crafts.
• Have the time and money to go to a gym every morning and finally get and stay in great shape. Or take a long walk every day somewhere beautiful.
• Learn to ski and snowmobile while I am up here in the great white north. I have no desire to try ice fishing, however!
• Take up the clarinet again and play chamber music to my heart's content.
• Live in a 100 year old house with a big front porch, wavy glass windows, lace curtains, tall baseboards and an attic for the grandkids to explore. But first I want to build a big new house with plenty of FSF and a big main level home school room to get through the rest of our child rearing years. I have a builder in mind who would make it look old.

Ambitious for a homeschooling mom, aren't I?

My 2010 list realistically includes normal things like:

• Nose to the homeschooling grindstone for the next three months.
• Have the baby end of March or early April.
• April: Babymoon for a few weeks. Savor every minute of it!
• May: Baptism and Sunshine's FHC. Oklahoma relatives will probably visit. Register only one child in soccer this year.
• June: Finish school. Start summer activities for kids. Swimming lessons. Tennis for the girls. Maybe golf for the boy? Horse class this summer?
• July: Order curriculum for next year. Continue summer activities. Take a vacation if at all possible.
• August: Get to the lake or pool while it's hot.
• September: Back to school, nose to the grindstone, etc.

As far as any personal improvement? It will be all little things like:

• get up on time and beg God for help every morning before leaving my room
• turn off lights not in use
• improve afternoon stamina
• shut big mouth
• don't sweat the small stuff
• it's not all small stuff (like, to me, training children in good habits is not small stuff), but quit over-reacting when it is
• love my kids, they are growing up fast
• develop photos more than twice a year
• learn to utilize iPhone, especially for podcasts
• grow out hair, again
• bake more home made bread
• put away clothes before they wrinkle
• save up for a new sofa
• keep trying, don't give into despair, God is not out to get me
• trust God still know what He is doing with me and my life
• quit blogging when the clock chimes 10 pm!!!

Bye! Good night!

Is It Too Late . . .

to get rid of this crud?

I am not sure if we have the flu or bad colds. Everyone has had a fever except me. Everyone except DH is still coughing. That's all I have heard all day - the sound of coughing and PBS. All day, meaning since 1:30 pm when I finally woke up. I have never slept that long in my life. I've been coughing for seven days straight.

DH went to the store for elderberry, echinachea, and more soup,  juice and kleenex. I hope the end is near!

The "I Wants"

Do your kids make Christmas lists? Mine have started early this year. We don't spring for many requests between birthdays and Christmas so everything they ask for after their birthday garners the response, "Put it on your Christmas list!"

Their tastes are getting more expensive. Here are some of this year's wishes:

• a hang glider (yeah, right)
• a trampoline (more likely, but not in winter!)
• an American Girl doll (do we have to start that?)
• a rock tumbler (more likely)

Then the Young Explorers catalog arrived and was promptly swiped. The cutting and pasting began. The "I Wants" are like a mosquito bite that itches the more it's scratched. I find myself feeling annoyed the more they talk about their wish lists. I remind them that they are loved, fed, clothed, educated and well cared for - isn't that all they really need? Aren't they grateful?

But - I find that the "I Wants" are also contagious. Their dreaming even gets me thinking about things that would be nice to have if we had thousands of extra dollars. List-maker that I am I do confess to keeping mental lists. Here are a few several  ~

Things for DH:

• a snow thrower (have you seen how much these cost?)
• a garage make-over
• a pressure washer
• a riding lawn mower (except we have no where to put it)
• a generator
• hire out window washing
• hire out some interior painting
• a new car to replace his '96 Accord

The home improvement wish list:

• a new sofa (daily reading time has reduced the life of ours)
• granite counter tops
• ceramic tile the bathrooms
• a deck
• finish the basement
• re-do the flagstone patio that is constantly dirty and weedy and uneven
• re-do some of the garden beds and add a tall white lattice fence behind the east garden to block the view of our neighbor's weeds

The SAHM self-care dream items:

• new maternity clothes (mine are almost all 10 years old!)
• a spa package of regular pedicures, facials, and massages
• quality facial care products now that 40 is coming (next year)
• a professional weight loss program next summer after baby #5
• some new jewelry
• a gym membership and time to exercise

Financial "I Wants" should really come first before all the material wants. Achieving these goals would even free up a chunk of the monthly budget for a few extras:

• pay off my grad school loan
• pay off the van

Nothing urgent, just things that would be nice. Hopefully this is a little sign of detachment, right? My happiness does not depend on getting any of these items. Only a few eat at me a little - like the sagging sofa, dirty windows and the dark den on the north side of the house that could use a brighter hue of paint before daylight savings ends. But mostly, thanks to an abundance of progesterone these days, I am way too tired to get worked up about it!

I also try to avoid voicing these "I Wants" around the children because I don't want to set a bad example. Hopefully I am not the contagious one infecting the children!

Other needs always seem to come first before all the extras anyway - music lessons, winter clothing needs, fireplace cleaning, firewood purchasing and annual piano tuning are the biggies we currently face. Oh, and cell phones. Our Quest service is ending for good and we have to find another phone and another plan or be charged a de-activation fee. Looks like a somewhat necessary splurge (but not really necessary) will be made for I-Phones. Last year's version.

Each of us will probably get at least one thing we want this Christmas, all the time knowing that gifts are not what the Holy Day is really about. Christmas is about Jesus and while gift giving is one way of showing our love for one another, it is certainly not the focus.

The kids like to dream and so do I. I just have to remember a wise adage my mother taught me: If your outgo is more than your income, your upkeep will be your downfall!

Hottest Fashion Accessory for Homeschool Moms

When Jennifer mentioned that her secret to  a happy day involved wearing a pretty apron I was immediately intrigued. My only apron was a heavy blue denim that I only wore for things like cut-out cookies and splattering frying pans. When prompted, she offered this post, spilling more details about her delight in aprons. Now I see that Meredith has shared her favorite apron with us (I just love her big smile in this photo - even if the rest of her face is cut off!).

I sense a "tour of aprons" coming!

I will stand next in line here and offer a photo of my recent find at the Mill City Museum gift shop  (they sort of have a baking theme going on there)

I really like it so far, except for looking even more pleasantly plump in it than I already am which is why the photo only shows the apron and not me wearing it! The colors and floral print is romantic and have a pocket handy for putting my watch in during the children's bath time is a dream come true! Hopefully grease stains will now be a thing of the past!

Do you have a favorite?

A Baby I Will Miss Carrying

I experienced my first miscarriage during my blogging break. It was very early - a week or two or three depending on how you count.

It started about the 19th day of my cycle with hip and low back pain. I had such muscle spams I felt as if one wrong move would immobilize me and my back would "go out" as they say. After three visits to the chiropractor that took the edge off of my back pain I could sense more pain in my lower left pelvic area. The 27th day of my cycle I went in for an M.D. appointment in case I had an ovarian cyst or and ectopic pregnancy. Blood work was done that confirmed a positive pregnancy. Everything else was normal. I was reminded to continue to watch for symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy.

For a whole week we felt the excitement, wonder and awe of God's blessing us with another baby who would be born sometime around the EDD of February 25th, the feast of St. Caesarius. The children were excited, my DH was happy and I was happy yet a bit perplexed. The pain in my left side gradually faded and I refocused my attention to this blessing that was obviously part of God's will for us. I ordered prenatal vitamins and shared the news and perplexed feelings with one close friend.

In my efforts to rejuvenate my prayer life and faith in prayer I had been praying overlapping novenas to St. Therese and St. Joseph for the ability to move back to the city, closer to a parish we could call home; to be part of a faith community and have an easier time getting to Saturday confession and Mass on holy days.

Instead a new location, it seemed, God was giving us a new baby. I was okay with that. I felt rather humbled and honored that God thought we were up to responsibility of a fifth child.

Then about the 29th day of my cycle I began to bleed heavily for two days. Although I felt somewhat relieved that I wasn't too far along I also felt like seeing a teeny tiny baby come out would have given me a greater sense of reality and closure. Instead I was looking at chunks of bloody tissue just wondering how to identify where my baby was in all of this. Feeling uncertainty at having to flush the toilet, not knowing what part of what I saw was a growing embryo. Feeling let down that God was not going to give us a new baby after all.

On the heaviest day of bleeding we were in the cities all day for dental check-ups and to celebrating our little boy's birthday.

We named the baby Pat because this name could be for a boy or a girl. Also because our friend Pat helped watch the children while I was in the dentist's chair getting my teeth scraped and polished. She has been such a blessing to me over the years - calling every now and then to check in and offering the best advice and counsel any young mom could hope for.

Now I have a little time to grieve. Time to accept what has happened and find a was to rejoice in God's will rather than feel abandoned. Battling with my melancholic nature to despair is no easy task.

So pray for me and I will pray for you. I will ask our little baby Pat to pray for you too. After all God did give us a baby - one more voice for the heavenly choir (as Marie Bellet's song come to mind). One whom I will miss carrying in my arms but one who may help carry us closer to God and His perfect though perplexing will.

Prayers at Work

Dancer, "Has anyone commented about my 350 degree fever?"

Me, "Yes, people have been praying for you after your 106 degree fever!"

Many thanks are in order for your prayers this week for Dancer's quick recovery. The doctor thought she might have a fever for five days but she only had one for one day after beginning the antibiotic. I continue to pray that no damage was done by the high fever and that other symptoms of Lyme's do not visit my daughter's little body. Enough is enough.

Lesson learned: check for ticks every day because the ticks in our neighborhood carry Lyme's. The dad and his three of his four boys next door have had it. Another dad around the corner had it and ended up in the hospital with meningitis. Now the media tells us we have to be looking for these new striped-legged mosquitoes that carry encephalitis! Yikes!

God has been sending me consolations after bouts of difficulty with prayer. One instance occurred two weeks ago during Mass when the kneeler landed on my toe. Yes, the same toe I broke in April. The fierce protection I have developed of that toe was evidenced by the loud yelp that came out of my mouth. The brass and timpani did not mask the yell that resounded in the dome of this big Bavarian styled Church of St. Agnes. Then I remembered that there was a row of nuns sitting a few pews behind us. I was most embarrassed!

Turns out that having nuns behind you at such a time is a good thing. I apologized afterwards to them, explaining about my recently broken toe. Somehow they instinctively knew that the yelp was kneeler induced and prayed for the victim whose toe was most likely crushed. Well, miracle of miracles - my toe was scraped but otherwise unhurt.

Deo Gratias!

I am Pro-Choice! (when it comes to health care)

Remember when I posted the prayer request for the Hauser family before the story gained national attention? I pulled the posts because a commenter was trying to communicate with Colleen Hauser by leaving a comment for her on my blog. Not knowing whether or not Mrs. Hauser even reads my blog, I explained to the commenter that I felt his approach to be outside of my comfort zone and requested that he write to her directly.

Now that their story has come to a climax and seems to be coming to a happy conclusion I am still concerned with one of the main issues at stake here - freedom of choice when it comes to health care as well as disease care. Today's editorial in the Minneapolis Star Tribune illogically compared the Hauser's initial refusal to continue their son's chemotherapy to parents who make an informed decision to decline vaccinations for their children. This is exactly where I suspected the media's attention would lead - a movement to require vaccinations without the option of conscientiously declining.

Treating disease and preventing disease are two separate issues and require vastly different approaches. I do not believe that refusing to inject a perfectly healthy baby or child with vaccines can or should be considered the same as a cancer patient declining chemotherapy. I know the editor is trying to make a case for acting "responsibly" but I believe we should have the freedom to draw on our religious beliefs when it comes to responsibly treating disease and preventing disease - not the court. And if the courts begin to require vaccinations because it's "the responsible thing to do" will they eventually require or limit births in America because having more than two or three is "irresponsible"? I just think this illogical comparison leads to a slippery slope of lost freedom.

Personally speaking, when my husband and I researched the vaccinations before our first child was born we felt that we had read a great deal on both sides of the issue and felt the presentation on both sides rather twisted and very much like propaganda. Enough suspicion was raised that we did not feel comfortable allowing our first baby to be vaccinated. Our older three children have now received the DTaP on the "catch up schedule" and we intend to decline other vaccinations until morally acceptable alternatives are available.

Our decision was confirmed after learning that most available vaccinations in the U.S. are derived from aborted fetus cells. While the Catholic Church allows the faithful to use these vaccines, she strongly encourages us to seek alternatives and to pressure the pharmaceutical industry to create morally acceptable alternatives.

In 2005, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith stated:

However,  in this situation, the aspect of passive cooperation is that which stands out most. It is up to the faithful and citizens of upright conscience (fathers of families, doctors, etc.) to oppose, even by making an objection of conscience, the ever more widespread attacks against life and the "culture of death" which underlies them. From this point of view, the use of vaccines whose production is connected with procured abortion constitutes at least a mediate remote passive material cooperation to the abortion, and an immediate passive material cooperation with regard to their marketing. Furthermore, on a cultural level, the use of such vaccines contributes in the creation of a generalized social consensus to the operation of the pharmaceutical industries which produce them in an immoral way.

Therefore, doctors and fathers of families have a duty to take recourse to alternative vaccines¹³  (if they exist),  putting pressure on the political authorities and health systems so that other vaccines without moral problems become available. They should take recourse, if necessary, to the use of conscientious objection ¹⁴ with regard to the use of vaccines produced by means of cell lines of aborted human foetal origin. Equally,  they should oppose by all means  (in writing, through the various associations, mass media, etc.) the vaccines which do not yet have morally acceptable alternatives, creating pressure so that alternative vaccines are prepared, which are not connected with the abortion of a human foetus,  and requesting  rigorous legal control of the pharmaceutical industry producers.

What I comprehend from this is that we as Catholics have the permission and even the encouragement from the Vatican to conscientiously object to receiving vaccines from aborted fetus cells as well as the duty to request alternatives, when available, in order to avoid passive cooperation to abortion.

The entire document is here.

This chart lists the vaccines come from aborted fetal cell lines. (There's no alternative for MMR!)

Also, the website run by Children of God for Life has a bounty of information including a page with links to differing the opinions of various prominent Catholics as to whether vaccinations are morally acceptable.

Please understand that I am closing comments on this one, only because I will be away from the computer for the next three days.

Pentecost blessings to you!

Waiting for the Weight to Come Off

Once again I am super impressed with all those participating in WOW. For me, I am still cheering them on from the sidelines, working through my own weight loss struggles and (honestly) trying not to be envious of those losing more weight than me!

A word of caution - if you are not obese now, don't start! It's like and unlike smoking except that it creeps up on you. Over the years or during pregnancy. Taking it off is a long road.

After six weeks I hit a plateau. My body is amazing! Amazingly efficient at adapting to new demands and wonderful at hoarding calories. An hour of exercise every day and clean eating had resulted in zero pounds lost for two weeks. I was fighting discouragement and sabotage and the "what's the use" battle until weighing in at the D.C. and finding my lean muscle tissue up and overall BMI down. "It's not as bad as you thought," my Dr. reassured me.

Armed with encouragement and timely tips I have rejoined the troops in the battle of the bulge and seeing that scale budge once again. Here's the tweaks to my previously posted plan:

• more protein - closer to 100 grams a day
• add resistance training (weights) and keep adding weight as it gets easier
• lighter suppers

I have some other random thoughts to share:

I have memories from my teaching days of being in the teacher's lounge and hearing other ladies talking about going on Slim-Fast for Lent. It always made me feel uncomfortable that they were just using Lent as a weight loss opportunity. I keep that in mind as I go and do my best to differentiate my new eating patterns from fasting for spiritual purposes. Also, many of my Lenten offerings have nothing to do with food.

The other is how wonderful and weird it is to actually lose weight. Wonderful in that clothes fit better and knowing the many health benefits of being a healthier weight. Weird in that I feel like I am disappearing and it feels a little scary. Kind of like just after giving birth and it feels like there's a part of your body you have lost and you kind of miss it.

Scaling Down

I must say I am super-impressed with the ladies reporting into W.O.W. What inspiration!

As for myself I am weighing in at the Dr.'s every other Friday on the fancy scale that also measures BMI. It is so thrilling to see the numbers on the scale budge! I have two items of happy news to report:

•  I am down 8 pounds since beginning one month ago
• I have exercised an hour every morning since January 12th

I am afraid that if I miss a day I'll never get going again! I have many months to go to reach the "healthy weight" range for my height.

I have been thinking lately about body image. In high school and college I thought I was overweight but now - oh if only I could have that body back! I am still repeating the same patterns I did then - lots of dieting and exercise followed by discouragement and quitting. I would eat a Snickers, thinking my figure was already ruined anyway. Time to break that pattern, wouldn't you say?

Another thing I have been thinking about is how Leslie Sansone (of Walk Away the Pounds) never talks about food, but only positive thinking. Well, I sure think about food. I believed I have been eating a mostly healthy and mostly organic whole foods diet, but here are a few things I am doing to move towards a low-glycemic diet:

• I gave up coffee after learning that caffeine elevates insulin response. I have tried a few "skinny decaf soy lattes" and have to say I much prefer Starbucks version over Caribou's. Organic loose-leaf tea at home has also been great for a warm drink.
• I traded out Rudi's organic whole grain bread for Ezekiel bread.
• I gave up, temporarily, my beloved organic butter from grass-fed cows for Smart Balance spray.
• I added plain kefir and GNC's Wheybolic Extreme protein powder (2 scoops = 40 grams of protein!) to my smoothies.
• I switched from sweetened Almond Breeze to Unsweetened.
• I am switching out canned beans for dried. We use a lot of beans around here, much to Dino's dismay! Dried beans require more planning to soak and cook, but they are lower glycemic!
• Low glycemic Balance Bars are a good snack in a pinch.
• Organic low-fat cottage cheese with sliced almonds and mandarin oranges = yum.
• I am baking with organic whole wheat flour and using Splenda instead of cane sugar. Even honey and dates are high-glycemic!
• More hard boiled eggs.
• More fish. Expensive (when your kids like fish too) but healthy.
• Eat every 2-3 hours.
• Keep a food journal.
• Eat breakfast like a queen, lunch like a princess and dinner like a pauper!

What do you do?

4 Mile!

The 4 mile walk came in the mail from Netflix and I must say I enjoy the change of pace. The women in this class actually break a sweat and come across to me as  - hard to put my finger on it - less nervous and more natural.

I can't believe I am doing this since three weeks ago I was a read-a-loud homeschooling couch and floor potato. The kickbacks don't make my hamstrings freeze up anymore. Thanks to everyone who has ever recommended Walk Away the Pounds - sorry it took me over a year to get started!

Walk Away Fans

Which Walk Away the Pounds DVD is your favorite? I started with the three mile and can mostly do it (working up to all the arm work). But familiarity breeds contempt. I don't mind the work-out as much as knowing the next time someone will get off step, when Beth will say, "Whew!" and when the lady in the back will say, "This is powerful!"

Otherwise I am liking Walk Away quite a bit. Which one should I try next?

De-Tox Report

Just back from the nutritionist!

The Numbers:

• 5 pounds lost this week
• 60 minute daily aerobic workout = new habit
• 1 G.I Diet Cookbook for my menu planning convenience
• 34 capsules per day of this and that to swallow for my personalized vitamin and supplement program

Many more weeks to go, but all worth it!

Bisy, Backson, Detoxing - T.D.

(Hopefully Christopher Robin eventually learned to spell - I still have trouble!)

Just when I was about to ask y'all when exactly do homeschoolers (without children old enough to babysit) find the time to exercise I have actually managed to get to sleep before 10pm, wake up by 5am and walk on the treadmill for a whole hour for six mornings in a row!

AND on Friday I started a 7 day detox program under the supervision of a nutritionist. No, I don't feel any better yet and I have only lost one measly pound. I am hungry and have a headache. The shake tastes awful and so do all the drops I have to put in 64oz of drinking water each day. Eating the chicken and steamed vegetables for dinner is the best part of my day.

I can't tell you how weird it felt to pass up the cookie table at the girls dance recital today. Hard and not hard - an true exercise in detachment. Good thing I just watched A Nun's Story while on the treadmill to get me in the sacrificial mood.

I do have some posts in the works and will get to them soon, but if I am quiet for a few days you'll know why!

A New Year

Do you make resolutions? Seems kind of redundant for Catholics. I mean, we make then during Lent. We make some during Advent. We make them when we pray the Act of Contrition and when we go to confession. And I think at those times and in that context we get the grace from God to actually stick to them.

But it doesn't stop me from making them anyway, along with many plans for the new year. So my list for 2009 is an odd mix of resolutions and plans. It looks something like this:

• exercise regularly (after cleaning the basement and reacquainting myself with my treadmill I already feel like less of a blob!)
• start program with nutritionist/chiropractor I've been seeing after the car accident for health overhaul (further thyroid testing, low glycemic diet, de-tox program)
• get mercury fillings out now that the baby is weaned
• read more
• knit more - learn to knit more than just scarves
• bake more bread
• join YMCA this summer
• cook more meals for the freezer for easier weeknights
• go to the North Shore and Canada this summer
• explore future career ideas for my empty nest years (I need more social security points!)
• more love

The last one is the one that's really been bugging me. I need to take some time to recharge my love batteries.

When I struggle daily to get the kids to obey promptly I think "Love makes obedience easy. How much do I really love them and do they really love me? Do I model politeness and patience or are they just deaf and resistant to remembering the steps of our well-posted routines?"

When my husband and I quarrel or at a stand-off I think, "CLANGING CYMBAL!"

And most of all with prayer and Catholic devotions that sometimes feel tedious I think, "True love of God should really be the foundation out of which these devotions flow" and wonder if my efforts are sincere. More on this later - it's on my heart after reading Called Out of Darkness, conversion story of author Ann Rice (thanks, Sheri!)

So this is a small part of my ongoing conversion - more love. Taking joy in serving my family. With real love for God as the foundation of it all.

Thank you, everyone who reads this, for your support and friendship.

I wish you many blessings and graces for the New Year. Pray for me and I will and do pray for you too!

Tracy

Recovering --

Many thanks, especially to Laura and Jamie and my friend Petra for your prayers and support and just letting me know that I am not the only one going through burn-out this week! You know, most of the time things go well in your homes but not always. You want to keep up a good front and appreciate the good and not pay one bit of homage to the bad, but sometimes you just have to have an honest nitty-gritty post and get it all out in the open that sometimes you just feel . . . depleted.

So there you have it - lest anyone be under the false impression that things go perfectly around here! They don't always!

It's time to get back to the basics. That's where it's at for me. It's amazing how fast I get depleted when the basics slip.

Sleep: I have been staying up way too late getting things done and yes, spending time on the computer reading all your wonderful blogs! The baby insists her day begin at 5 am. I cover her up and tell her it's still nighty-night time. I go back to bed. She cries for an hour. We nurse for the next hour while I doze. A few nights of a mere six hours of sleep will really do me in. I wish I were more like Laura who can not only survive, but thrive on less sleep!

Eat: We do eat fairly well here - lots of organic items and moderate amounts of produce. It's the sugar. Too much cake these days and more to come! At least a cup of coffee is a rare treat these days, having switched to white or Oolong tea. I finally found Teavana!

Exercise: Ok, when is the best time for a nursing homeschooling mother? If I take the time in the morning school invariably begins an hour late, even when my generous husband works his tail off to cover the morning routine. When the weather is nice I might get in a walk in the afternoon with the children. I am too pooped in the evening, but that might change soon when my neighbor recovers enough from here babymoon to walk in the evenings. My body's need for vigorous exercise leaves me pining for free mornings and a gym membership. Sometimes I do a few leg lifts here and there and stretches while the kids do their work, but I need much more than that!

Socialization: Not so much for the kids - they enjoy other friends but are not clamoring for them -  but for myself! I get to chat with moms during dance class, once-a-month book club is an anticipated vacation, I get out at night occasionally to a coffee shop to meet a friend and I have a few friends I can call when I really need to talk. But you know how that is - it seems that there's never a good time to call another busy mother! The Catholic homeschooling moms I know from church and blogs are all about 30-60 minutes away and the home schooling co-ops around here are good I am sure, but not Catholic. I have begun to schedule play dates once a week but most of the time things don't work out. In the last two weeks one mom forgot (she honestly felt bad) and the day that Jamie was set to come my daughter threw up. I must keep trying! 

Prayer: Always the most important and always the most neglected. I pray all day on the fly - does that count? Of course I pray with the children three or four times a day. But it's not the same as quiet meditation that allows one to feel the Lord's nudging. It's so much like the exercise component - I need time set aside as part of my routine. And what I think I need to to be absolutely alone in absolute quiet. This never happens. By the time I am fully awake in the morning the house is humming with noise. If I got up at 4:30 am before the baby woke up at 5 . . . I would have to go to sleep by 8:30 at night. Then I would really never get anything done!

I am tempted to turn comments off now, but I may miss out on some sage advice. Ideas, anyone?

P.S. We are finishing "K" week and I still have to post about "J" week and if you have any spare prayers today please address them to Dancer RE: 1st Communion! Thanks!

You Know You Are Burned Out When . . .

Fun Wednesday (kite flying and knitting for "K" week as well as dance and violin) got canceled due to children's bickering. The trip to Burger King (for "K" week) too.

When children's bickering starts at circle time - the very time you intend to sit down with your children peacefully, pray, sing and get centered with what the day will bring.

The children get send upstairs for afternoon quiet time at 9:30 AM.

You are without energy or joy even on a sunny spring day in Minnesota.

You feel impatient with your normally-happy-but-crabby-lately newly-minted adorable one year old. She's reverted back to that thirty minute napping business - doesn't help.

You daydream about spending mornings at the gym, afternoons reading during the baby's nap and welcoming your children off the bus with cookies and milk.

You want to take the summer off but are only halfway through the Alphabet Path and still want to continue over the summer so you can start something new in September.

You crave three more hours every day (after the kids are in bed) and at least one more day a week (during which your husband takes the children somewhere) so you can get caught up.

You suggest that your husband work late so you can just have some time alone.

Reading all the well meaning articles in home schooling publications about spring burn out just really doesn't help.

People tell you that you are probably doing too much and are the victim of your own ambitions and you smile and nod and agree with them but still don't feel like letting up.

You drop to your knees in surrender and ask God to take over, which is what He wants us to do every day anyway!

Dancing for Jesus - The Girls' Recital

Thank You for Your Prayers! I Feel Fine . . .

but my daughter does not!  Seems she picked up a germ at Grandma and Grandpa's. 

We are depleting our stock pile of oscillococcinum by giving all the children their daily dosage.

As for me, I was looking forward to a weekend in bed watching my new Becoming Jane  and Miss Potter  DVDs.  But I felt too well to stay in bed.  I just can't relax during the day unless I am absolutely forced to.

The pelvic venogram and embolism went well on Friday.  If that's all you want to know, click somewhere else right now!  If you want to know more about a little known condition that can affect women's (and men's) health, read on.  I don't want to gross anyone out - just share my experience in case this information can help you or someone you know.

A catheter was inserted into my jugular vein, through my heart and down to  my ovarian vein.  After injecting a dye to determine which veins were varicose,  platinum coils were injected to block off the problem vein.   Here is what my left vein looked like - a normally straight and tubular vein was just a big blob where my blood was pooling.  The long line is the catheter.

The Interventional Radiologist only did the left side this time and requested I return in ten days for the right.  I am not crazy about having to go through this again, but it wasn't the worst thing.  I think my husband was run more ragged by walking the halls of the hospital with baby to keep her entertained!  Maybe next time I will feign fatigue and get my movies in!

Prayers Please

I am going in for a little outpatient surgery on Friday.  Nothing big - just a procedure to seek relief from a pesky problem.  Please pray that all goes well, that my older three children enjoy their time at Grandma & Grandpa's and for my little Baby Princess during the time that I will not be able to nurse her. The estimated recovery time is 2-3 days so it may be a while before I can post again.

Blessings to you!

Those Mood Swings . . .

Hormones holding you hostage? 

I'm not the only one hiding in the pantry eating my kid's Halloween candy and you aren't either!

See for yourself - Danielle's  readers share their tips and trials!