Pinewood Castle

19 Observations from the Homeschooling Trenches

As this school year is drawing to a close I am taking some time to recognize and appreciate what we accomplished. In a few weeks we will be making some year-end assessments. We will choose works to keep in portfolios, and make some display boards for a home school showcase. If I am really on top of things, I'll use a Shutterfly coupon code and make a yearbook!

The kids learned a ton this year, and so did I. Of course we learned conventional subject matter: history, math, spelling, grammar, etc., but the practical aspects of daily living are just as important, if not more important when one is homeschooling.

Mothers have seasons. We do our best balancing life depending on the ages of our children and circumstances the year brings. Some years there are babies, some are sans diaper bags. Some years are financially tight and others more abundant. Some years may allow for ample time at home, but others are spent travelling 65 mph from here to there. Some years we focus on art or science, other years linguistics or history.

Here are some of my observations from this transitional season in which I find myself:

#1) This year I have realized we are past the idyllic days at home modeling beeswax, knitting wool, sewing felt, and celebrating feast days with a picture book and cupcakes, and I am mourning the loss. Activities that began at a manageable once-a-week pace now require more days per week, and more hours per day. We are finding our "new normal" and I am struggling to keep up with the level of sacrifice it takes to keep kids doing what they love and still have enough time and money to do the few things I love too, in addition to just providing masterly inactivity for the kids.

#2) The older I get, the more introverted I become. I have a strong need and desire to make meaningful connections with people, but if I have to be out & about for several hours (with or without connecting with others), I tend to need an equal amount of time alone to recuperate. If I am spending my time at home recuperating, I am likely not cooking, baking, cleaning, organizing, spending time nurturing my marriage, sleeping before midnight, or setting up social dates for my kids. Some things in this season of life, are sliding a bit and I am not sure I like it.

#3) Services for special needs are amazing and appreciated, but they eat up time. One 30 minute speech session at the school down the road usually means that our Together Time is cancelled or cut short. Add in travel time and a quick trip to the post office or bank, and this turns into a 90 minute outing and derails the whole day. Hopefully, we will have one child in speech next year instead of two.

#4) The best time to read is during read aloud time. I read a bit in the morning, but I can't really get any of my own reading done the rest of the day. I love the idea of The Well Read Mom, but there's no way I could keep up with a program like this right now unless I had a chauffeur. I really do want to read adult books, but there's so much children's literature I've never read, so perhaps this is the season in life to read the classics I missed. This will also be a great season in life to learn history, when I re-vamp and get everyone studying the same century.

#5) Be careful what you sign up for - signing up for one thing can quickly turn into five things. Some extra activities come without strings attached, but for most activities I find there are plenty of extra things required: fundraisers, volunteer hours, extra practices, treat rotation, costumes or special clothes, T-shirts to buy, photo days to attend and photos to buy, etc. With five kids, I do what I can, but I am not winning any awards here. This year I signed up to bring more cups than home baked cookies.

#6) Chores can be delegated and kids can be trained to help out, but children work better when you are there helping, managing, and inspecting - not upstairs reading, on the phone,  or with your face in the computer screen. Managing is harder than it looks. When my kids were old enough to help with the bulk of the chores, they actually thought they were doing all the work while I sat around being served. Not only do I need to continue to help with the physical tasks, I also need to let them know what I am doing if I am not physically helping. I have to say, "If you can handle cleaning the mudroom, I can _____." This might include: reserve library books online, schedule a field trip, sign up for a theater class, order the next piano book, plan a birthday party, make a menu and grocery list, write thank you notes, plan summer vacation, plan summer camps, etc. They have no idea how much brain power it takes to run the family, and they haven't a clue what I am really doing at the computer unless I tell them. There's SO MUCH that is conveyed through the computer, it's difficult to keep up, especially with kids around who think you are just avoiding work.

#7) Kids need to know you are not a neat freak. If you give them chores, they will think you are. If they have to clean up before dessert, they will think you are a perfectionist. You must remind them that they live in a family, not a hotel, and that your home is clean enough to be healthy, but messy enough to be cozy. My husband and I try to teach our kids reasonable stewardship without making a god out of our material goods. We don't step on books, make holes in the wall, stand on furniture, leave clothing on the floor, stick our fingers into a freshly frosted cake, etc. We try to appreciate what we have and take care of it so it will last. We also try to clean up each evening so we wake up to a reasonable clean and organized home the next morning. But, it's not perfect and it never will be. Life is messy and our home is lived in!

#8) Take time for yourself, but try to do double duty. Meet a friend for coffee during your daughter's ballet class or bring a laptop. Knit while you listen to piano practice. Take one child to an evening weekday Mass or the library. Practice photography skills on your kids and talk to them about what you are learning. Learn an instrument along with them. Go for a family hike. Let them help in the kitchen. When they do an art assignment, you do it too - write a letter on the back, fold it up, and send it to you mom or a friend. Have a child call grandma on the cell on the way home and turn on speaker phone. So many of these activities are ones I would love to do IN SOLITUDE but it's simply not the season for it. You want and need to be creative, but your vocation comes first, and you have to incorporate your children as much as you are able to. At least I do.

#9) Have a schedule, but be willing to be flexible. Some weeks are so busy with extras that we are lucky if we get in math, practicing, reading, meals, laundry, and basic cleaning. These days are usually so relaxed and peaceful, I wish all our days could be like this. Eventually we get back to Latin, geography, language arts, science, and history, but on busy weeks sometimes it just doesn't all fit.

#10) Play hooky sometimes. Yes, my kids are supposed to practice and read every day, but this uses a hunk of time every afternoon. Sometimes I let them skip so you can go outside and sled, fly kites, or visit a friend. This seems much more difficult the older my kids get!

#11) Don't forget to take your vitamins.

#12) Drink plenty of water, and no caffeine after about 1:00 pm.

#13) The more hours of sleep you get before midnight, the better.

#14) If numbers 11 - 13 are neglected, your children may associate you with a certain character from Dr. Seuss. (all she does is yell, yell, yell)

#15) If you are usually found sitting on the sofa, at the computer, or behind a steering wheel and have a slow metabolism like me, 20 pounds can creep on in less than nine months. I think I am finally facing the fact that getting active in a spacious building with lots of light might be the key to a much happier school year, happier mama, and happier kids. Especially in states with unusually long and dark winters. I have no idea how much school we will be able to fit in around a morning trip to the gym and an afternoon ballet run and still get dinner on the table, but I am willing to simplify our curriculum to fit this in.

#16) Keep trying to find your tribe. As a homeschooling mother in particular, you are living an unconventional life. You will doubt yourself and your choices, you don't need others in your life who doubt them too, at least not now. Be careful who you complain to, even other homeschooling moms. Some friendships just are not going to work out, even with women whom you admire. Some prove over time to be a one-way street. Some people are just not open, or harbor judgements. Some are demanding, or they might think you are too demanding. Some are too busy, on a different track, or have different priorities. Some friendships have seasons. Others just never blossom and you may never know why. Regrettably, sometimes you are in a season where you are busy and just don't have a lot to give. Remember - a friend is someone who likes you (and hopefully your kids too). Appreciate those friends who do like you, believe in you, and encourage you. Be friendly with all, but save your best self for the relationships that give back and help you grow in virtue.

#17) If you blog, keep your mission in mind. It's easy to get discouraged with so much professional blogging out there. I find that less than 1% of my readers leave a comment. Most just lurk, even people you know IRL. I don't intend to be an anonymous blogger, but I mostly blog for myself, my family, and a few close friends. I appreciate you being here and a few nice comments here and there encourage me to continue.

#18) If you blog, don't blog everything. Because when you do get together with friends who read your blog, you'll have something fresh to say, something they didn't already know from reading your blog. Otherwise you talk and talk, but they just say, "Yeah, I know. I read about that on your blog."

#19) If you blog or read blogs, take time to reply to comments and leave comments. I really do try to do better at this, but I know I'm not the best. I also tend not to leave a comment if there are 20 already (sorry). I also try to reply to comments, but never know if readers check back and actually see them. Blogging has the potential of being a friendly community, but do you take more than you give? Give back - leave a comment on the blogs you read and encourage another mom! We're all together in this.

Well, as you can probably tell, this post is full of reminders more for myself than anyone else, so don't take them too personally! These thoughts are from a mom in the trenches, not a veteran mentor on the other side. I am still finding my way!

Friday Daybook

Outside my window: It's Thursday evening. My kids are shoveling the sidewalk in the dark. It's only an inch or less, but they are squirmy, in need of vigorous exercise, and like seeing the stars.

I am listening to: The scrape of shovels, a kitten playing with the window shade cord, and the tick of the clock.

On my heart and mind: We have a new Holy Father! Almost everyone seems happy with the Holy Spirit's choice, and this event certainly helps ease our hearts after Pope Benedict's abdication. I think many are comforted in knowing that our Pope Emeritus will have time to read, write, pray, and play Mozart. Our new leader will remind us how wide are the wings of our Holy Mother Church. I mean, there are several liturgical rites around the world other than the Roman Rite (like 9? 11?), and the unique charisms of our various religious orders show us many paths to God. Contemplative or missionary, simple or intellectual, practical or innovative, austere or well-funded - all are prayerful and sincere in their desire to serve God. But what style do we want in the leader of the Church? People seem to want the papacy to match their own image of what they want in a pope. Some prefer formality fitting of a king, others will welcome this man's simple humility.

My hope is this: that Pope Francis will set such a loving and humble example in upholding moral truth, that barriers and anger and mistrust will melt away. Messages of love and truth will stop being misconstrued as hate. People all over the world, of many religions, still look on the leader of the Catholic Church as a moral compass. Even if they don't agree with the Church's teachings, or are willing or able to live up to them, they still want a holy man to set an example they can respect.  Based on what I have heard and read, I have a feeling this Pope will show the world how to love the sinner, but hate the sin.

Praying for: So many homeschooling mamas with huge crosses to bear. One who had a brain tumor removed, one whose baby had surgery, one whose son was in a very serious snowmobile accident, another who is carrying a baby with an encephalocele on the back of it's neck. One of my first cousins passed away from brain cancer, and a neighbor's mother has been in the hospital. Praying for all of you!

Taking care of mama: Neither lab tests, ultrasound, nor a CT scan indicate there is anything amiss with the upper right quadrant of my abdomen, but it still feels like something is swollen in there. I've been experimenting with more water with lemon juice, grapefruit, dandelion tea, and similar cleansing foods. My plan is to get back to a low-fat, low-carb diet and get outside for more walks. By July I think I will have the time to invest in a gym membership to help chip away at the belly fat.

In the schoolroom: We are still reading Anne Frank. The kids are amazingly interested in this book, and I am glad for it, but I am ready to get back to some entertaining fiction. We have Ancient Greece going on in 7th grade, Trail of Tears in 5th, and Pocahontas in 4th. My 5th grader is on Africa and 4th grader on Missouri. In Logic of English we are learning when to keep the /e/ when adding a suffix and when to drop it. We finished Ave Verum Corpus in Lingua Angelica and are moving on to Stabat Mater. The kids are getting better at Words with Friends and traveling the world with Google Earth. Once a week we unschool and spend the morning looking posts I've starred on 22 Words. The Clarkson's 24 Family Ways is sparking some interesting and insightful discussion. I have decided we have way too many balls in the air and need to simplify for next year. Expect a post about that next week!

From the kitchen: I spent too much time watching the news on Wednesday, which delayed my trip to the grocery store and library, so I broke our weekday abstinence and picked up some beef fillets and dulce le leche gelato for a celebratory dinner.

Around the house: Little People, La La Loopsy, and Legos are all over. It's "L" week in kindergarten.

I am creating: Compiling info and images for composer flashcards to use next year.

I am lamenting: Google Reader is going away in July. Why?

I am reading: I have yet to finish a book in 2013. Too many in the pile!

Favorite things: New sparkly pink princess shoes for a five year old girl. What could be more exciting?

This weekend: Suzuki piano graduations, group string classes and orchestra, Musical Stars class for the little bears, and St. Patrick's Day on Sunday! We'll make beef stew, soda bread, and cupcakes (with pistachio pudding in the mix) topped with candy shamrocks.

A picture for you:

The Lent of Reckoning

I feel as though my jaw has been dropping more often in recent weeks, with "Really?" resounding in my beguiled brain. Little things, little crosses to carry. Opportunities to pray and practice patience.

The Holy Father abdicated? Has this news sunk in yet? Of course I offer my prayers of thanksgiving for his eight years of service, as well as the upcoming conclave. I trust in Pope Benedict's wisdom, and the beautiful  example he is setting of accepting one's limitations. It just seems like there are some lines here to read between, and I am obviously not qualified to read between those lines. I have read a few articles that offer insight and plausible explanations, but I do not wish to get into that here. What else can we the faithful do but pray, hope, and trust?

(Source: Joe Heller)

Dan Stevens gave up Downton Abbey? His role as Matthew Crawley was monopolizing his career and that was a bad thing? I must not understand the acting profession - one would think he would be grateful, humbled. All I know is that Downton fans cheered this couple on through three seasons, were thrilled to see the leading couple finally married with a male heir and the future of the estate secured. Broody Matthew was elated to be a father, china doll Mary was basking in her maternal glow, the Crawley family had returned from Duneagle with a renewed appreciation of their secure estate and familial relationships, and the next thing we see is Matthew trapped under his roadster oozing blood.

I love this show, but because it's not literature, we don't know where it's going from season to season (unless we read the spoilers). I cried when Ethel gave up her son, but I am too put off to cry about Matthew. And this tragedy would have been averted if he had let himself be chauffeured. And since Season 4 picks up six months later, we won't even get to see how well Michelle Dockery's acting skills can portray a genuine broken heart. Humph.

 Don't like this either? Sign the petition at the White House.gov website to protest!

Did I really give up meat for Lent? How I ever lived as a vegetarian for the better part of my 20's I'll never know. I don't remember feeling this hungry. Everything on our lenten menu seems like a variation of bread and cheese. At least thick, meaty, halibut fillets on the menu for Monday, but . . .

A pound of halibut costs how much? Our local supermarket had several packages of halibut steaks, but with only one little 3 ounce hunk for $9.99 in each tray. So, $70 to feed our family halibut? Really? We went with cod.

Speaking of the cost of food these days,

Cream of tartar costs how much? This bottle set us back $7.03 . Really? Evidently the spice trade is still lucrative. Spices and tea as well . . .

A pound of tea at Teavana costs how much? A few weeks ago I set foot in a suburban shop and unknowingly asked for one bag of coco-caramel sea salt and a bag of youthberry.  My jaw dropped when my $95 bill was announced over the cash register. {heart attack} No, I explained, my husband would kill me if I spent nearly $100 on tea. I left the store with 4 ounces instead of 24 oz, and resolved to buy from Adagio next time. Speaking of hot beverages . . .

A grande caffe mocha at Starbucks costs way too much. I don't even know how much ($4?), because I usually reload my card $20 at a time and use that so I don't have to think about how much it costs to splurge on a mocha. It also comes with 260 calories, and 8 grams of fat. I'm thinking that Lent would be a great time to forgo this once-a-week-or-so habit. These bottled teas are a bit of a splurge, but way less than a mocha and only 40 calories.

I stocked up and plan to grab one from the fridge to enjoy while chauffeuring. And speaking of driving . . .

Have I really gained that much weight? I did not quite recognize myself in the mirror at the hair salon Monday. I was relieved when our consultation was over and she covered me with the big black cape. Fifteen pounds since September (really?), and yes my thyroid checks out ok. Must be the extra mochas and all the driving . . . 

Our family uses an average of 132 gallons of gasoline a month? According to our fuel bill and average mileage, we drive about 97 miles a day between the two of us. Makes me wish we could move a little closer to the places we go, but . . .

Did he really say that? It's been nearly ten years, but I still hear the words of our (former) financial planner like it was yesterday, "No, I really don't believe the housing bubble will burst." And speaking of bursting . . .

There's really nothing serious causing the pain where my gallbladder used to be? It feels like a balloon is being blown up in my upper right abdomen and is about to pop.  After six months of sucking it up I went to the doctor and endured a battery of tests. So far, everything is normal and I am being told this discomfort could be merely from scar tissue. Here I thought I was dying or something. Nope, just have to die to myself and the discomforts of an aging and out-of-shape body.

Is that man is out jogging in the freezing cold again? Seriously, I see the same gentleman in a Nike jacket with an orange hood out running pretty much every time I drive in or out of town. That's dedication! Reminds me of a news segment I saw (that I can't seem to find on the web to share) featuring a couple who walks around Lake Harriet every day. They have a custom made mitten-built-for-two and their eyebrows and eyelashes were all frosted over and hanging with icicles. Really? People do that?

I admire their stamina, but personally I would rather exercise indoors during the winter months. After my haircut, I did pay a visit to the YMCA, gathered info, and submitted my plea to The Chief for consideration. Ultimatum, really - everyone helps clean the basement (and keep it clean) so I can use my treadmill or I fork over time and money to go to the Y.

Is winter is not over yet? But I hear the birds singing in the morning! I see ice fishing houses being hauled off lakes! These are signs of spring in Minnesota - but the forecast is definitely not looking like spring!

 

Little things, little crosses to carry. Opportunities to pray and practice patience.

S.A.D.?

January was a long month. Just look at your calendar. It looks like it's a whole week long than February, even though 31 is a mere three days more than 28. It feels like a whole week longer when day after day looks gray and frigid.

 

The string of cloudy days happened to coincide with a little virus we had going around - a bug that I didn't realize I was fighting. Yes, I had a bit of a sinus headache (typical), but mostly I was zapped of energy. I wanted nothing more than to curl up on the sofa under a blanket, stare out the window, and become invisible. This window, this view -

(I could stare at this pine tree all day)

If I had to get up, I certainly did not want to respond to requests or crises. My fuse was insufficient for my tasks at hand. I thought I had S.A.D., and I probably did, and I lacked the energy to do anything beyond my normal measures: SAM-e, fish oil, B vitamins, vitamin D.

Obviously, homeschooling mothers cannot behave in this self-serving manner for very long. We have duties. Obligations. Meals to make, tests to grade, read alouds to read aloud, and kids to take to ballet and music lessons.

Eventually, the arctic sun returned (yes, we even love arctic sun in Minnesota) and by that time I felt better, but my kids were coming down with headaches, croupy voices, and extreme fatigue. They wanted nothing more than to curl up on the sofa under a blanket, stare out the window, and become invisible.

Viruses and hormones - mothers' enemies. Throughout the fall I was on a stable emotional course thanks to expensive, out-of-pocket hormone and nutritional therapy. Every stressor felt like water on a duck's back. It was bliss. Really - I felt like I could handle about anything. Trouble is, the doctor required expensive retesting every three months.

With a tight budget this year this health luxury succumbed to the financial chopping block. The doctor canceled my prescriptions when I didn't come back for re-testing. Thus, I am back to being my old, crabby, exhausted, impatient self. The last thing I have been motivated to do is to get out of bed, get downstairs before the kids, and be the loving, nurturing, cheerful mother I need to be to facilitate a successful homeschool. I still do it, or try to, but too often it does not go very well. Then I feel burned out, and I feel like quitting. And I don't mean just homeschooling. I mean going on a year-long retreat or at least holing up in my bedroom for a week. (I could swear Rachel@findingjoy is telepathic - if you ever feel like quitting, click this link to read her post).

The hardest thing, for me, about slipping into these bouts of melancholy is the feeling of helplessness that invariably accompanies it. When you are falling into a deep dark pit, it takes another person to help you out. I mean, there you are at the bottom looking up (or down), and your mind is running through the lists of ideas you have read in blogs and books: pray, call a friend, exercise, hire help, put on upbeat music and dance, etc. But unless you have someone in your life who knows you well enough to recognize the signs and tell you in a commanding voice what you need to do right now, chances are you are left waiting for the dark clouds to pass.

What doesn't help {me}? The suggestion that Satan is targeting me. Even if it's true, it leaves me feeling like an untouchable spiritual leper who needs to call an exorcist instead of a friend or physician. In my experience, the blues are almost always caused by something physical rather than spiritual. (I realize that physically, I don't look delicate - but I feel weaker physically than I do emotionally or spiritually) However, just as Christ can accomplish spiritual works through physical means, I suppose Satan can too. If your achilles heel is physical, he can find that opening and wreak havok on your emotional and spiritual well being.

These are a few things that do help {me} - because having options is empowering -

When the south side of the house is flooded with light, I don my winter gear and go outside. My kids watch me with curiosity through the window, just standing in the snow with the sunlight on my face, sometimes taking photos of skeletal trees and snowy pine branches -

If the wind is not too strong, I walk around the block.

I have a light therapy box on my wish list - checking with insurance first in case it's covered.

I can and do light candles, and always find that 100% beeswax agrees with my eyes, nose, and throat better than any other.

I can resume regular, over-the-counter progesterone cream.

I can cut down on sugar and carbs, and focus on protein and ample liquids (herbal tea, water).

I can turn on uplifting music. Sometimes, even the classical station plays depressing stuff and I have to turn it off.

I can order Adren-All from Amazon. I am taking that again.

I can find an in-network physician who is willing to prescribe the thyroid meds I had been taking.

I can accept that my body will have different needs in my 40s.

I can pay more attention to signs of illness, and discern these from depression. Sometimes they feel the same.

I can call my sister, because she usually answers the phone and has a cheerful spirit.

I can invite a friend to meet me at a coffee shop while my daughter is in ballet.

I can temporarily unsubscribe from blogs that leave me feeling like an inferior, lazy, uncreative slug. (I hope mine is not one of them)

I can send notes of encouragement to other moms and realize I am not alone.

I can insist that all the older kids go outside at the same time while the little one is napping so I get a small chunk of peace and quiet.

I can send in applications to charter schools if that makes me feel better.

I can dream up a new school routine for next year.

I can let my husband know that I need "introvert time" and thank him for covering for me.

I can pray and ask God to be strong where I am weak, patient where I am not.

I can listen to this song and try to find more like it.

I can replace old make-up and learn some application tips that would help me look less tired. (Pixi is a new favorite)

I can choose to relax and give myself and my family grace. Grace to make mistakes, to have bad habits, to break things, to make messes, to be sick, to be thoughtless, to be in a bad mood, to be demanding, to not have characteristics I expect them to have. Not that I will ever give up training/disciplining them, but I can try with all my might not to take it personally or flip out. I need perspective in order not to see their mistakes as my failures.

Most of all, I can appreciate the good days and try to figure out what went right. Last week we had two good days in a row! Must build on that momentum!

Some things I could do, but don't -

Exercise. I started after the new year - really I did. I logged in two whole mornings of Walk Away the Pounds before the midnight illness began working it's way through the family. {January is really not the best time to begin an early morning exercise program} I foresee a family membership to the Y in our future.

I could light some candles and take a bath, but haven't. I'd need to clean the tub first.

I could call a friend, but I usually find that moms are too busy or tired to talk on the phone.

I could spend time praying in an adoration chapel.

I could re-institute a Quiet Time hour, but have not done that either.

I could ditch our current curriculum and activity schedule this year, but I know I won't. Even if it feels like a prison sentence. We are halfway through - yeah!

I could ditch the afternoon schedule and let my kids watch a movie instead, but I don't do that either.

I could buy fresh flowers, but these only aggravate my allergies.  

****************************

I don't usually read Pioneer Woman, but was visiting the other day perusing the photography section and noticed how her Miz Booshay signs off with "Encourage one another". This motto has been running through my head ever since. I wonder if she would mind if I borrowed it?

Encourage one another!

Tracy

 

first photos

I feel like I have just purchased a Stradivarius after only finishing Suzuki Violin Book 1.

I also feel like someone, once tone-deaf, suddenly able to carry a tune with a decent singing voice.

 

I am both intimidated and refreshed by the sudden ability to shoot close-ups, portraits, moving children and kittens, and faces in candlelight.

Even though it's a struggle for me to learn anything after coming down with adult-onset ADD, I am pretty elated with our new camera. Remembering anything involving numbers is a particular challenge for me: aperture, shutter speed, ISO, mm, which of our four lenses to use. Good thing National Camera Exchange offers free classes. In the meantime I am totally experimenting with the little I have gleaned along the way.

The rest of these photos to re-cap our week (most of them anyway) are off the smart phone. {I am still resisting Pinterest and Instagram.} We were out & about more than usual this week, enjoying the full twelve days of Christmas.

While I am not sure what unschoolers actually do, I am pretty sure we need to unschool this week. To me this means making a rough schedule that includes kids cleaning while I resume exercise and shower, breakfast together by 8 am, together time (devotions, Lingua Angelica, Logic of English, thank you notes, art, start looking up our European destinations), finish gifts for pen-pals (they are still coming, really!) outside time, lunch by noon, music practicing (sessions in which I am a conscientious Suzuki practice parent and sit down to listen and help), Teaching Textbooks math, reading time, invite some friends over, afternoon activities, a few doctor appointments, dinner on time, bedtime on time. Time to re-adjust for the new year!

Full enough days, especially with a recital on the agenda this week. My two girls were nominated by their teachers to perform on the Suzuki department recital! Would you like to come? It's free! They would be overjoyed to share the joy of music with you. MacPhail, Antonello Hall, Friday at 6 pm.

Next week maybe we can get back to the full curriculum - if we all stay healthy. There is an alarming number of flu cases, pneumonia, etc. in our corner of the metro. Our current immune building arsenal consists of Emergen-C and colloidal silver.

As for today, my goals are to begin a food journal, set my weekday alarm for 6:00 am, celebrate Epiphany with some star folding, and get a roasted chicken dinner an scones on the table by five o'clock so we can clean up in time to "do the Downton". Will you be watching?

We at Pinewood Castle wish our readers the best as we all get back to normal life after celebrating the HolyDays!

Yard by yard it's very hard, but inch by inch, it's a cinch.

The curtains have closed on 2012 and opened for the next act: 2013. What will the new year bring? Will they be the result of planning, goal setting, and dreaming big? Some accomplishments might be made by leaps and bounds, but for most of us, being faithful to our daily routines is the best way to make progress.

Does the focus on physical and financial fitness at the dawn of a new year lead you measure your own success by these standards?

Or do you focus on the spiritual, observing the effects that a peaceful relationship with God has on your weight and finances?

Am I enough? Do I matter? Am I loved? Do I have enough? Do I love well? Do I move my body? What moves my soul? Am I stuck? How do I escape from pain and loneliness? Where do I find solace and peace, or just relief? Are my escapes nourishing or destructive? What are my blind spots? Just a few of the questions we ask ourselves at the turn of the year.

The desire to strive for holiness, to make noble sacrifices and accept suffering, to do God's will, and to put ourselves last too often collides with gracefully handling our own faults and the faults of others, enjoying the beauty God generously provides, nourishing our own bodies and souls, experiencing wholesome pleasures in a balanced way, and fostering our hopes and desires.

 

Do we beat ourselves up, despair at our own inability to improve, look at others with a critical eye, operate in uptight mode, and come across to harshly as we try to provide better formation for our own children? Or do we give ourselves and others grace, take each day at a time, and make the effort to find joy in our daily life? How do others interpret us - exacting, critical, austere, self-absorbed? Loving, graceful, full of joy, generous?

 

And how do we even learn about others when faces are turned toward The Screen?

More and more, we hide behind The Screen. Everywhere - in public waiting areas, football games on TV during holiday gatherings, at stoplights, check-out aisles, while riding a bike, at the dinner table, in the bathroom, mowing the lawn -  whenever the urge strikes or a question begs to be answered. Even if all the beeps and alerts are turned off, we crave the stimulation.

Conversation is sometimes like walking on eggshells, people are opinionated and divided and sometimes it's just too much to risk disagreement. Meaningful conversations are becoming absent, being present to others is a lost art, shallowness kills the soul and opens they way for despair or anger to set in.

 

How do we find the delicate balance between time on-line and time face-to-face with others? How to we strike a balance between freedom and healthy discipline? Floss, exercise, budget, cook, clean, organize, practice, learn, read, knit, work, communicate, pray. 

 

How do the guardrails of God's laws make us feel about staying within them? Confined? Secure? How do we balance our time with The Screens in our lives and time spent in meaningful work, or time face to face with our family and friends, and creative activities? Finding this balance keeps our souls alive and fosters the virtues of hope, faith, and love, so vital to the life of the soul.

The new year is a time to reflect on the blessings of the past year, to see where we have been, to create a vision of where we hope to go. We re-evaluate, tighten our belts, plan for success, set goals - and also dream. With perseverance, our dreams just may come true.

 Our dreams may hinge on money to fund them, discipline to achieve them, or the grace and blessing of God to allow them. So we set a budget, we set our regimens, we pray for discernment of God's will.

What are your goals? What are your dreams? How do you discern your dreams with God's will for you? How are going to strike a balance this year? What is possible for you and your family this year that was not possible before?

May a balance of discipline, prayer, grace, passion, and joy bring about desired changes in your life this new year!

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I am come that they may have life, and may have it more abundantly.

John 10:10

A Little Daybook of Sorts

Another week of life, of being a wife and mom, home-schooling, etc.

TGIF:: Grateful for another weekend, I am rather looking forward to the rain in the forecast, curling up on the sofa by the fire to read and knit, and creating some deliciousness in the kitchen. First we will  shuttle two of our young musicians to two different Out & About locations in the city to join other MacPhail students in sharing music with nursing home residents. After going out to lunch with our respective groups, I will chauffeur dancer to the first of her three Nutcracker rehearsals while the guys go bowling with the cello group. 

Right Now:: For the first time ever I am blogging from a Starbucks. With a decaf caffè americano and a laptop on my tiny bistro table I feel like a real 21st century adult passing the time while my eldest is at ballet mastering piqué turns, chaînés turns, and pirouettes. Not that I have any clue what those are (I had to look them up on YouTube) and not that I actually paid $4 for a decaf (I turned in my empty Starbucks whole bean coffee bag for a free coffee), so I'm not really feeling that cool but it beats sitting in the van alone while I wait.

In the Near Future:: Somewhat suddenly, there is a real possibility of my husband taking a job requiring 50% travel. For the last thirteen years he has intentionally spared our family of this lifestyle. One one hand, he would enjoy working with cutting-edge technology. The family budget would balance, allowing our children to continue participation in the arts and our savings account to recuperate after a slew of extra expenses. He would earn frequent flyer miles for the first time ever. Travel would decrease significantly after one year, and when he is not traveling he would work from home.

On the other hand, we would miss him! Without family near enough to help out, my weekdays would be significantly more challenging. I would have much less time for myself (not that I have much as it is), have to hire a sitter more often, and ask friends to help carpool whenever possible. I would sorely miss all of my husband's big and little acts of service during the week. The kids would definitely have additional duties around the house, especially the morning duties my husband usually takes care of like helping with the little ones, finding exactly the right bowl and spoon for their cereal, pouring milk on their cereal the right way, and making French-press coffee. Not to mention raking leaves, taking out the trash, and snow shoveling. So please keep us in your prayers this weekend as we discern whether this opportunity is an answer to prayer - or a temptation.

Health:: Black mold headaches - goodbye! The source of the basement mustiness (that only I seemed to be able to detect) has been found in the water softener. It is now disassembled and placed outside for a good bleaching. Sleep - hello! Sarah's post reminded me that safe sleep supplements do exist so I ordered a bottle of 5-HTP and am once more able to sleep past 2 am.

Be Still My Heart:: Ted Jacobs has a new CD! If you have read my blog for more than a year or so you know how much I love A Children's Garden of Songs and The Days Gone By. A few weeks ago I thought to check Amazon for any new offerings by this beloved musician and voilà, Back to the Garden Volume 2 has been out for a whole year already.

Shall I tell you how I was able to order four copies (three for gifts)? It is because some amazingly loyal and thoughtful reader bought her husband's power tools through one of my Amazon Associate book links and blessed me with a $90 credit. Thank you. What an incentive to continue to share recommendations with you. Keep it coming! But do click through my real blog site (not Google reader) for the credit to apply. I appreciate this so much and promise to do better about paying it forward when I place Amazon orders.

Good Reads:: TypePad's typlists are still messed up and I still can't seem to add any books to my sidebars. My husband is dying to fix this bug for them - it's been defunct far too long. When it works again I will add From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankenweiler. Everyone enjoyed this fun read - Claudia's attention to grammar, Jamie's use of "baloney" and the climatic ah-ha moment, the Michelangelo rabbit trail, and the overall themes of growing up, motivation to learn, and the joy of keeping some secrets to yourself rather than blabbing everything you know for attention.

Next up: The Hobbit. Can you believe I have never read Tolkien? My dh, a Tolkien connoisseur, is relieved that I have decided to "scratch the surface" of this author's opus. I am planning to use this Progeny Press study guide orally, unless anyone has a more Socratic guide to recommend.

I am Missing:: Call the Midwife. Last time I checked, it's on here Sundays at 7pm. This is prime time for after-dinner clean-up and getting little ones ready for bed. Without a DVR I will have to reintroduce myself to the VCR. Unless I can watch it online. I think I can . . . and hopefully this will lessen the disappointment of not being able to see Downton Abbey until January, though one very special reader sent me a super-secret link to episode one of season three. I can't seem to find any other episodes, even after enlisting my husband's help. There must be a way my cousin in Kent can Skype it or something, but we haven't figured out the details. *sigh* 

On that note, I am going to check out that Call the Midwife link and turn in so I can rest up for the tomorrow's outing. Have a great weekend and enjoy autumn before the snow flies!

 

New Beginnings

We have a nasty cold virus running through the family, so if it has been quiet here it's because we are too busy blowing our noses and lying around zapped of energy.

HOME-SCHOOL

School is underway and we are acclimating to the new normal. So far, Teaching Textbooks and the Logic of English get two thumbs up.

I am still trying to figure out when to round up my kindergartner for some one-on-one time. When I am ready, she's not. When she is ready, I'm not. Our few successful sessions show me how different she is than all the rest - like look where she put Mat Man's eyebrows -

 

MUSIC, THEATER, & DANCE

New start and end times of music lessons and ballet classes are not yet ingrained in my brain, but so far we have managed to be everywhere on time.

My eldest had a Red Letter Day (or should I say Pink Letter Day) after the new program director approved pointe shoes a whole two months earlier than expected. I had to learn how to sew on the ribbons and elastic and am hoping my stitches hold. Last week we received the sewing lesson, this week they begin pointe work. In the meantime, she is not allowed to try them at home so we just get them out and oogle at how pretty they are and how potentially painful they will be.

My dancer was assigned to two groups in the Nutcracker this year. This is her first time participating, and she is so happy to finally be in a production that she does not seem to mind the time it takes from her Saturdays, even after spending the entire morning at the music school for orchestra/group/lessons.

Plans for the European Tour are well underway and it's time we start checking in on items such as instrument insurance, international health insurance coverage, pre-paid credit/debit cards, etc. I signed up for the fund raising committee, so if you have any sure-fire fund raising ideas, please send them my way!

First lessons of the year on piano and cello also went well. I sense that the transition to my daughter's new piano teacher will go smoothly. Sometimes you can tell more about a teacher by the questions they ask than what they tell you. The majority of her first lesson was like a friendly interview, so I sense we are in good hands.

My son and I are learning the ins and outs of the cello world - end pins, rock stops, string names (A, D, G, C) the imaginary balloon that inflates under your cello arm, and the ten-step method of taking a bow while holding a cello. He seems quite happy to have his very own instrument and I suspect he will take off as soon as his fingers figure out where they need to land in order to play The Monkey Song in tune. A one hour group lesson seemed like five minutes to him, so I take that as a good sign.

The Pirate musical is cast and my two buccaneers already have their parts, as well as the entire script memorized. I am hoping we can replace the Pirate CD with the Suzuki CDs this week and get back to the required listening. Good thing these memorization skills are applicable in so many situations!

On Suzuki Family Day at MacPhail I stopped by the harp studio to gather information in case my little & loud angel does not change her mind by next fall about playing an instrument so large & quiet (she must intuitively know what she needs to balance her personality). I learned the difference between lever and pedal harps, and was invited to observe classes throughout the year. In my mind, I am already jumping ahead to the teenage years, figuring out the logistics of affording and transporting a full sized, $$,$$$ harp. Of course the teacher said, "Don't think about that now" but of course I do.

In the meantime, she is having the time of her life dancing in a little pre-ballet/creative movement class complete with silk scarves and a parachute. The two sisters walking into ballet together are a precious sight.

PERSONAL

As for me, I am still finding my footing and trying to keep smiling. It's so easy to forget yourself to the point of even forgetting what makes you happy and fills you with joy. Self-sacrifice is noble and virtuous, don't get me wrong, but sometimes day after day feels like drudgery and you just don't want to get up and go downstairs to face the fussy toddler and obstinate kindergartner and big kids who still need prodded to complete their morning chores. But you do, and you deal all day long with messes and poopy diapers and rashes and distractions and interruptions and lunch served late and checking off school work and rushing out for this or that and dinner served late and the toddler hugging your leg when you need to cook and picky eaters and sand tracked from the back door through the kitchen and the bedtime routine and clean-up and reminding your 12yo to wash her hair and your 9yo to pick up his dirty socks and getting through that read aloud that it seems you will never finish and crashing in bed to watch Downton Abbey DVDs before you tie up all the loose ends of the day - you know.

When this is your life day after day it's easy to feel like a complete failure even if you did get all the house-work and school-work done and read picture books to the littles and did crafts and the kids played outside for an hour or two and you baked from scratch and planned your menu for the next two weeks and disciplined with love and even prayed through it all.

This morning I woke early after dreaming that I was running through a college campus. I felt so free and strong in that dream and wanted to feel that way in real life again so I dressed in comfy clothes and went outside to start that Couch to 5K program I printed off months ago. It was cold. And dark. I went back inside and started breakfast and the rest of the day. But tonight after dinner my Sunshine and I slipped out of the house during the Golden Time, just before sunset. My legs burned, but the colors on the western horizon took my mind off any discomfort. For twenty minutes it was just me, God's evidence in the sky, and one of my precious girls jogging in circles around me. A new beginning.

 

Dear Post-Op Mom

{a letter to myself, and to any other mom who has to go through surgery}

If you ever again have a surgery scheduled for late afternoon, and are given the green light to eat before 7:00 am, do whatever you have to do to get your cup of coffee. Otherwise, plan on having a humongous headache by the time you arrive at the hospital.

If you don't get your coffee, take the anesthesiologist seriously when he offers to inject you with caffeine. He's not joking - if the pharmacy has it, he can get it.

If your anesthesiologist is old enough to call you "kiddo" even though you are over 40, just enjoy feeling young again.

Be glad you asked the surgery team to take photographs during surgery, not only for your inquiring son, but also to better understand your own innards.

No, you will never know exactly what went on in the operating room after going under.

You may not ever understand why, as soon as you are able to keep your eyes open for more than ten minutes, the nurse makes you stand up (ouch!), use the restroom, get dressed, and go home. Just be glad you can rest in your own bed and avoid paying for an overnight stay.

You know your husband loves you if he is willing to set an alarm for 3:00 am to help you out of bed, to the restroom, and to bring your pain meds and some food to go with it.

I know you wanted to watch more movies and read more books during your convalescence, but really, be satisfied that you were able to sleep so much. That's nothing to sneeze at, but wait! Whatever you do, don't sneeze! Or laugh, or cough, or sit up suddenly!

Dry mouth - remember that?

Be tremendously thankful you have never had to have a cesarean. Now you have a new appreciation for those who have to, but none for those who choose it as a convenient delivery option.

Be grateful that the pain meds were so effective that you could fall asleep lying on your back when side-lying was not an option.

After the third day, ration your pain meds - or be brave and call for a refill.

All that training you've done over the years so the kids can handle the daily housework without you? Paid back in spades, and kept your husband from feeling so overwhelmed.

Be extremely thankful that your husband can work from home when really necessary. Thank him - and his supervisors.

Remember your low-fat diet you went on in college? Better start counting fat grams again, and eating small portions. Maybe this will be more effective than the Wheat Belly diet. (It already is!)

If it hurts, don't do it. If you're too tired, don't do it. Just lie on the sofa lethargically as if you are suffering through the first trimester of pregnancy.

When you actually start to feel better than you did pre-surgery, celebrate!

 

Today's the Day

The gall bladder removal surgery is today. I don't have gallstones, it's just not squeezin' anymore. It feels like I have a baby in my womb with his foot permanently extended, resulting in an icy-hot sensation.

I hate to be down for a few days, but then again, maybe I'll make some progress on my Netflix queue and sleep deficit. In the meantime, I prepped some catch-up posts for this week and next. Enjoy!

Prayers most appreciated!

Thankful Thursday

My little prince who likes to play "kissy smash face" every morning while we cuddle in bed.

Cherished moments in the rocking chair at bedtime when he wraps his warm little arms around my neck.

Finally figuring out how to make a Starbucks mocha at home.

Caffeine-free Vanilla rooibos tea in a thermal mug for afternoon chauffeuring.

Spell check - because I keep forgetting the "e" in chauffeuring, and I am particular about spelling in spite of the many mistakes I make on this blog.

That the Target website has printable coupons. Last trip I saved $23.

A husband who helps out with the myriad of responsibilities in raising a family.

Finding that delicate balance of approaching homeschooling with intensity and punctuality while trying to remain relaxed, fun, and happy.

For a pre-prepped Little Saints program. To my four year old, preschool time = love. Having it all prepped and ready to go in gallon zip-loc bags is the only way this program will work for me. And thanks to the two other moms who split up the work!

That I have two more chances to do a better job homeschooling the elementary grades. I can't go back now, but can make better plans for the future.

For great homeschooling forums with moms who always have wise answers to your burning questions.

Thankful that we finally got around to the history-based writing assignments.

For all 2200 comments left here since 2007. I can't tell you how much even a little feedback brightens my day.

For blanched almond flour. It sounds corny, but gluten-free never tasted so good.

For the local appliance repairman who came to our home the morning of Holy Saturday and resurrected our refrigerator/freezer. This saved everything from our last Costco trip except the ice cream.

A mild winter and an early spring. I feel totally spoiled. Finally, Mother Nature has taken pity on displaced southerners in Minnesota.

For well-loved fairy costumes. Wings worn upside down with holes in them are even more beautiful to a mother's who has seen the enchantment they have brought to three little girls in the last seven years.

 

How the Egg-Free Girl is Doing

My little girl is a different child these days.

She talks more, she smiles more, she hugs more.

She says funny little things like, "Why is morning always the first thing?"

She has even gained three pounds since being off of eggs. This makes me wonder now if my skin and bones son has a food allergy.

We are still learning the ropes of the egg allergy world. We have a lot to learn about candy and fast food and packaging labels. Like Annie's bunny crackers that are made on shared equipment - are they safe for her? I am afraid to try, especially after our chicken nugget episode.

After quizzing the guy at the Wendy's drive-through about which products had egg and which did not, I was assured that the chicken nuggets did not have egg so I ordered them for her. By the time we reached our destination she was acting irritable. When we got home she threw an hour long tantrum before crashing on her floor. As soon as she woke up she resumed the tantrum for another hour. Somewhere in there I managed to check the Wendy's website only to discover that their chicken nuggets are fried in the same oil as food with egg ingredients.

I am incredibly grateful for the knowledgeable moms who have emailed me with tips and recipes. Keep it coming, please - I am a little overwhelmed but eventually it will all sink in.

In the meantime our budding girl has moved from drawing faces to adding arms and legs - M&M people.

One morning she colored one little red dot, held it up and announced, "This is a tiny, tiny baby in the womb!"

So precious. Such a joy. I cried tears of surprise and joy that day! I actually look forward to spending time with now instead of dreading what the day will bring with her. That's the way it should be. I am grateful for this little blog and the reader who prompted me to have her tested. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Every Six Months

Today we made the the bi-annual trek to the dentist. We drive into the cities to be able to see someone specialized in holistic dentistry (no mercury fillings). With the weekday morning traffic this trip typically takes over an hour. This morning was no different - each interstate we tried was tied up with accidents due to yesterday's 12+" snowfall.

My husband is on his own appointment schedule but I schedule my appointment on the same day as the children's. Luckily, my husband has always worked more or less close to this dentist's location and usually comes along to watch the littles while the rest of us get scraped and polished and then we all go out to lunch. The older girls are just not quite old enough to be left in the waiting room with the baby and a 3yo.

On the up side, we were cavity-free for the first time in a long time and we do not have to go back for another six months! (Must be because I actually flossed a few times!) We decided to buy this Vitality electric toothbrush for the children with four interchangeable heads and try to keep up the good work. We got to see Dad all morning and lunch at the Neapolitan pizza place was tasty as usual.

On the down side, over the years it gets harder for Joe to get away from his increasing responsibilities at work. I feel guilty about taking up his whole morning and asking him to help me out. How does a homeschooling mom of many (without parents or in-laws nearby to babysit) get to the dentist any other way? What do you do?

 

Eggscellent Behavior?

For months now I have had a hunch that our family doctor believes I am in denial about my three year old whirling dervish. I think that he thinks that I must not want to admit that her daily tantrums are simply due to her strong temperament or (worse) to my ineffective discipline methods. As a parent of young children himself, he has sympathized with me and laughed along with me but in the end I have felt like a failure as a mother - because I can't get my little girl under control.  I have questioned him over and over whether her temper could be caused by some physical discomfort and he has humored me over and over by testing for this and for that. Every test result has yielded a negative result - until today.

A dear reader recently suggested food allergy testing after viewing my last post so I reluctantly phoned the appointment line and requested our doctor to send in lab orders for testing. After piano lessons yesterday we stopped by the clinic and I shuttled the children across the snowy parking lot in seven degree weather. My little girl bravely bore the sight of a needle in her arm as we tried to keep her mind on the prized band-aid. When it was over I could not tell if she was laughing or crying - but it was in fact a laugh followed by, "That willy huwt!"

When the clinic called today I was fully expecting another negative test result so the news that she actually has an egg allergy caught me by surprise. I have spent all evening thinking about how hard it has been to get her to eat eggs at all and how much we have pushed them, thinking that some protein in the morning would help stabilize her.

In the short term we will continue this chart we started last week with the coveted Lalaloopsy doll as a prize. I do hope there is a correlation here between the egg allergy and her behavior and that a solution has been found. Time will tell. In the meantime - where do I go from here? Can anyone tell me the best website for more info or the best egg-free baking book out there?

Realism for 2010

Like I said, I wish I could begin my Bucket List this year, but with a baby on the way I will be fortunate to maintain any amount of order or organization I have fought so hard to attain the last ten years. Here's what my Bucket List contains thus far:

• Take English country dance at the Tapestry Folkdance Center.
• Learn calligraphy really well, illumination and all.
• Get a really good camera and learn how to use it.
• Learn to knit more than just scarves.
• Buy equipment, learn to camp and take kids to state and national parks.
• Find another family to camp with.
• Learn a foreign language well and attend a camp at Concordia Language Village.
• Visit Paris, Canada, England, New England and Hawaii.
• Pick up genealogy study where my late aunt left off and visit Poland to dig for more info about the Von F's.
• Design and market Mary Garden seed packets and plans.
• Write a unit study based on Aesop Fables including virtues with scripture quotes and animal arts and crafts.
• Have the time and money to go to a gym every morning and finally get and stay in great shape. Or take a long walk every day somewhere beautiful.
• Learn to ski and snowmobile while I am up here in the great white north. I have no desire to try ice fishing, however!
• Take up the clarinet again and play chamber music to my heart's content.
• Live in a 100 year old house with a big front porch, wavy glass windows, lace curtains, tall baseboards and an attic for the grandkids to explore. But first I want to build a big new house with plenty of FSF and a big main level home school room to get through the rest of our child rearing years. I have a builder in mind who would make it look old.

Ambitious for a homeschooling mom, aren't I?

My 2010 list realistically includes normal things like:

• Nose to the homeschooling grindstone for the next three months.
• Have the baby end of March or early April.
• April: Babymoon for a few weeks. Savor every minute of it!
• May: Baptism and Sunshine's FHC. Oklahoma relatives will probably visit. Register only one child in soccer this year.
• June: Finish school. Start summer activities for kids. Swimming lessons. Tennis for the girls. Maybe golf for the boy? Horse class this summer?
• July: Order curriculum for next year. Continue summer activities. Take a vacation if at all possible.
• August: Get to the lake or pool while it's hot.
• September: Back to school, nose to the grindstone, etc.

As far as any personal improvement? It will be all little things like:

• get up on time and beg God for help every morning before leaving my room
• turn off lights not in use
• improve afternoon stamina
• shut big mouth
• don't sweat the small stuff
• it's not all small stuff (like, to me, training children in good habits is not small stuff), but quit over-reacting when it is
• love my kids, they are growing up fast
• develop photos more than twice a year
• learn to utilize iPhone, especially for podcasts
• grow out hair, again
• bake more home made bread
• put away clothes before they wrinkle
• save up for a new sofa
• keep trying, don't give into despair, God is not out to get me
• trust God still know what He is doing with me and my life
• quit blogging when the clock chimes 10 pm!!!

Bye! Good night!

Is It Too Late . . .

to get rid of this crud?

I am not sure if we have the flu or bad colds. Everyone has had a fever except me. Everyone except DH is still coughing. That's all I have heard all day - the sound of coughing and PBS. All day, meaning since 1:30 pm when I finally woke up. I have never slept that long in my life. I've been coughing for seven days straight.

DH went to the store for elderberry, echinachea, and more soup,  juice and kleenex. I hope the end is near!

The "I Wants"

Do your kids make Christmas lists? Mine have started early this year. We don't spring for many requests between birthdays and Christmas so everything they ask for after their birthday garners the response, "Put it on your Christmas list!"

Their tastes are getting more expensive. Here are some of this year's wishes:

• a hang glider (yeah, right)
• a trampoline (more likely, but not in winter!)
• an American Girl doll (do we have to start that?)
• a rock tumbler (more likely)

Then the Young Explorers catalog arrived and was promptly swiped. The cutting and pasting began. The "I Wants" are like a mosquito bite that itches the more it's scratched. I find myself feeling annoyed the more they talk about their wish lists. I remind them that they are loved, fed, clothed, educated and well cared for - isn't that all they really need? Aren't they grateful?

But - I find that the "I Wants" are also contagious. Their dreaming even gets me thinking about things that would be nice to have if we had thousands of extra dollars. List-maker that I am I do confess to keeping mental lists. Here are a few several  ~

Things for DH:

• a snow thrower (have you seen how much these cost?)
• a garage make-over
• a pressure washer
• a riding lawn mower (except we have no where to put it)
• a generator
• hire out window washing
• hire out some interior painting
• a new car to replace his '96 Accord

The home improvement wish list:

• a new sofa (daily reading time has reduced the life of ours)
• granite counter tops
• ceramic tile the bathrooms
• a deck
• finish the basement
• re-do the flagstone patio that is constantly dirty and weedy and uneven
• re-do some of the garden beds and add a tall white lattice fence behind the east garden to block the view of our neighbor's weeds

The SAHM self-care dream items:

• new maternity clothes (mine are almost all 10 years old!)
• a spa package of regular pedicures, facials, and massages
• quality facial care products now that 40 is coming (next year)
• a professional weight loss program next summer after baby #5
• some new jewelry
• a gym membership and time to exercise

Financial "I Wants" should really come first before all the material wants. Achieving these goals would even free up a chunk of the monthly budget for a few extras:

• pay off my grad school loan
• pay off the van

Nothing urgent, just things that would be nice. Hopefully this is a little sign of detachment, right? My happiness does not depend on getting any of these items. Only a few eat at me a little - like the sagging sofa, dirty windows and the dark den on the north side of the house that could use a brighter hue of paint before daylight savings ends. But mostly, thanks to an abundance of progesterone these days, I am way too tired to get worked up about it!

I also try to avoid voicing these "I Wants" around the children because I don't want to set a bad example. Hopefully I am not the contagious one infecting the children!

Other needs always seem to come first before all the extras anyway - music lessons, winter clothing needs, fireplace cleaning, firewood purchasing and annual piano tuning are the biggies we currently face. Oh, and cell phones. Our Quest service is ending for good and we have to find another phone and another plan or be charged a de-activation fee. Looks like a somewhat necessary splurge (but not really necessary) will be made for I-Phones. Last year's version.

Each of us will probably get at least one thing we want this Christmas, all the time knowing that gifts are not what the Holy Day is really about. Christmas is about Jesus and while gift giving is one way of showing our love for one another, it is certainly not the focus.

The kids like to dream and so do I. I just have to remember a wise adage my mother taught me: If your outgo is more than your income, your upkeep will be your downfall!

Hottest Fashion Accessory for Homeschool Moms

When Jennifer mentioned that her secret to  a happy day involved wearing a pretty apron I was immediately intrigued. My only apron was a heavy blue denim that I only wore for things like cut-out cookies and splattering frying pans. When prompted, she offered this post, spilling more details about her delight in aprons. Now I see that Meredith has shared her favorite apron with us (I just love her big smile in this photo - even if the rest of her face is cut off!).

I sense a "tour of aprons" coming!

I will stand next in line here and offer a photo of my recent find at the Mill City Museum gift shop  (they sort of have a baking theme going on there)

I really like it so far, except for looking even more pleasantly plump in it than I already am which is why the photo only shows the apron and not me wearing it! The colors and floral print is romantic and have a pocket handy for putting my watch in during the children's bath time is a dream come true! Hopefully grease stains will now be a thing of the past!

Do you have a favorite?

A Baby I Will Miss Carrying

I experienced my first miscarriage during my blogging break. It was very early - a week or two or three depending on how you count.

It started about the 19th day of my cycle with hip and low back pain. I had such muscle spams I felt as if one wrong move would immobilize me and my back would "go out" as they say. After three visits to the chiropractor that took the edge off of my back pain I could sense more pain in my lower left pelvic area. The 27th day of my cycle I went in for an M.D. appointment in case I had an ovarian cyst or and ectopic pregnancy. Blood work was done that confirmed a positive pregnancy. Everything else was normal. I was reminded to continue to watch for symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy.

For a whole week we felt the excitement, wonder and awe of God's blessing us with another baby who would be born sometime around the EDD of February 25th, the feast of St. Caesarius. The children were excited, my DH was happy and I was happy yet a bit perplexed. The pain in my left side gradually faded and I refocused my attention to this blessing that was obviously part of God's will for us. I ordered prenatal vitamins and shared the news and perplexed feelings with one close friend.

In my efforts to rejuvenate my prayer life and faith in prayer I had been praying overlapping novenas to St. Therese and St. Joseph for the ability to move back to the city, closer to a parish we could call home; to be part of a faith community and have an easier time getting to Saturday confession and Mass on holy days.

Instead a new location, it seemed, God was giving us a new baby. I was okay with that. I felt rather humbled and honored that God thought we were up to responsibility of a fifth child.

Then about the 29th day of my cycle I began to bleed heavily for two days. Although I felt somewhat relieved that I wasn't too far along I also felt like seeing a teeny tiny baby come out would have given me a greater sense of reality and closure. Instead I was looking at chunks of bloody tissue just wondering how to identify where my baby was in all of this. Feeling uncertainty at having to flush the toilet, not knowing what part of what I saw was a growing embryo. Feeling let down that God was not going to give us a new baby after all.

On the heaviest day of bleeding we were in the cities all day for dental check-ups and to celebrating our little boy's birthday.

We named the baby Pat because this name could be for a boy or a girl. Also because our friend Pat helped watch the children while I was in the dentist's chair getting my teeth scraped and polished. She has been such a blessing to me over the years - calling every now and then to check in and offering the best advice and counsel any young mom could hope for.

Now I have a little time to grieve. Time to accept what has happened and find a was to rejoice in God's will rather than feel abandoned. Battling with my melancholic nature to despair is no easy task.

So pray for me and I will pray for you. I will ask our little baby Pat to pray for you too. After all God did give us a baby - one more voice for the heavenly choir (as Marie Bellet's song come to mind). One whom I will miss carrying in my arms but one who may help carry us closer to God and His perfect though perplexing will.

Prayers at Work

Dancer, "Has anyone commented about my 350 degree fever?"

Me, "Yes, people have been praying for you after your 106 degree fever!"

Many thanks are in order for your prayers this week for Dancer's quick recovery. The doctor thought she might have a fever for five days but she only had one for one day after beginning the antibiotic. I continue to pray that no damage was done by the high fever and that other symptoms of Lyme's do not visit my daughter's little body. Enough is enough.

Lesson learned: check for ticks every day because the ticks in our neighborhood carry Lyme's. The dad and his three of his four boys next door have had it. Another dad around the corner had it and ended up in the hospital with meningitis. Now the media tells us we have to be looking for these new striped-legged mosquitoes that carry encephalitis! Yikes!

God has been sending me consolations after bouts of difficulty with prayer. One instance occurred two weeks ago during Mass when the kneeler landed on my toe. Yes, the same toe I broke in April. The fierce protection I have developed of that toe was evidenced by the loud yelp that came out of my mouth. The brass and timpani did not mask the yell that resounded in the dome of this big Bavarian styled Church of St. Agnes. Then I remembered that there was a row of nuns sitting a few pews behind us. I was most embarrassed!

Turns out that having nuns behind you at such a time is a good thing. I apologized afterwards to them, explaining about my recently broken toe. Somehow they instinctively knew that the yelp was kneeler induced and prayed for the victim whose toe was most likely crushed. Well, miracle of miracles - my toe was scraped but otherwise unhurt.

Deo Gratias!