Pinewood Castle

Today's Random Q & A

Why are there so many baby hand print kits when it is so impossible to get a baby to cooperate with this? Footprints are easier but much less cute.

Why is sugar cut-out cookie decorating so stressful even with the help of a box mix and ready made icing? Note to self: post-pone these until youngest is at least five. There are 100's of other cookie recipes from which to choose.

Why did the white chocolate top of my peppermint bark not stick to the milk chocolate bottom? This happened to last year's toffee too. Wonder what I am doing wrong here - maybe it has something to do with temperature?

How will I ever get anything done in the kitchen when my baby can now grab my pant-legs or skirt and pull himself up into a standing position when my hands are full or messy? Must make use of the high chair or Ergo as a back pack.

Why did I suddenly decide after almost a year that there is no room in the nursery for both a crib and a toddler bed? This morning I rearranged the furniture back to where is was before Little Prince was born and put the toddler bed mattress under the crib to be pulled out at night.I think my husband will be surprised to come home and find the toddler bed frame empty and ready for basement storage. Or he will make me put it all back the way it was.

In spite of all this we are having a wonderful time off school and celebrating the twelve days of Christmas - a topic I hope to post about soon. Each day there is an ornament to hang, a figure to tape to the calendar, a book to read, a gift to open and sometimes special food to help us remember the day and symbolism. I will share some links asap.

I wish we could go on unschooling/funschooling forever with crafts, baking, reading, lapbooks, and history pockets. I have been better able to care for the baby, pay attention to the three year old, get laundry out of the dryer before it wrinkles, make dinner on time and basically not be SO STRESSED OUT! I like the curriculum we are using but having time off makes me realize what a ball of irritable stress I have been and how miserable I have made myself and the kids by trying to homeschool and take care of littles and the daily chores and activities. We are going to take next week "off" too and I will try my best to regain my joy and good nature. And take B-12 every day.

One more thing - Mary at Vocation of Motherhood delivered a healthy BABY GIRL! The baby's five big brothers must be so proud! She does not have a birth announcement up yet, but am sure she and her dh would enjoy some congratulatory comments via her last post!

I Think I'll Be Okay

I think I am settling into a state of acceptance about turning forty. I appreciated reading each and every one of your comments and birthday wishes and your words are still tumbling in my thoughts:

Grab and hang on for a wonderful ride. The 40's are some of the best years yet.

At each milestone birthday I have always been a little down, I guess it is because of getting older, my kids getting older, time going by so fast, etc. And I look back now and say to myself. "Thirty wasn't old!! I looked great!! blah, blah, blah". I decided I am not going to do that anymore. Because I know when I am fifty I will look back and say "you know forty wasn't so bad"!!

Thank you for your birthday post. It really touched me and I cried because I could really identify with the making peace aspect of my vocation of hidden and small and what I have gained and lost as a result to committing to that.

And especially this one . . .

I had to accept that you (or at least I) don't have that turning point of "being" grown up. Actually I've been grown up for quite a while now (now 43), but I just didn't recognize it. I guess I thought really being grown up would feel so different or that I'd have it all pulled together. Not so much! That was growing up in many ways -- realizing that there is no such single turning point! As a woman, as a wife and mother, it's a continual process and I do the best I can and keep going!

Maturity and wisdom is a process, not an event! Aha! Come to think of it, I have learned a thing or two over the years, some practical and maybe a teensy tiny bit about virtue. I hope at least a little wisdom has taken root for the sake of my children and my immortal soul.

Still, I wish I could go back in time and tell the young mother I once was a thing or two that would make the journey of motherhood a little easier.

Here is the oldest photo I have of myself stored on Picassa:

 

Here is my advice to her (and I do mean this advice for myself, not necessarily anyone else!):

• Relax! Enjoy these days before school begins. Enjoy grocery shopping on weekday mornings. Cuddle your babies as long as possible every morning. Make more friends and spend time with them.
• Read and craft as much as possible before your days are too busy with homeschooling.
• It's not too early to establish daily and weekly routines of cleaning, shopping, cooking and laundry.
• When you first pick out a baby car seat, get both the double and single stroller to go with it. You will use both.
• Get enough sleep. Go to bed when the baby does and don't worry about getting things done at night.
• Just keep you hair long while you are young and slender enough to get away with it.
• Whichever discipline method you choose to use, please realize that it won't work. At least not as fast or as effectively as you want it to. Use one anyway, because children need boundaries - it makes them feel safe. Children are wired to misbehave and test those boundaries constantly, so don't take this personally. Just carry out your job of law enforcement with as much love as possible and over time (years) you will end up with reasonably well-mannered and well-behaved children.
• You have made a lot of choices regarding pregnancy, labor & delivery, newborn care and education. Even though you feel strongly about the choices you made, try not to judge others for choosing differently. 
• Also realize that you are not cut from the same cloth as your in-laws. Don't hold them to your standards.
• Insist on Quiet Time after your children outgrow naps. This is more for yourself than for them!
• Try to compliment your husband before he has a chance to brag on himself.
• Show ample gratitude for anything your in-laws help you with or give to you.
• Keep trying to spend at least five minutes alone with your husband every day. Five minutes does not sound like a long time early in marriage but later it is a crucial amount of time.
• Keep track of the gifts you send to friends and family. That way you won't have to ask them every year what you got them for their birthday the previous year.
• Buy quality = buy once. Usually. But remember that your kids don't need everything in the Magic Cabin and Nova catalogs. You will need a bigger house if you do this, just for the toys.
• If you get a bigger house, kids and toys will still be underfoot, no matter how big. And even if you get a house with three toilets, the kids will still want to use the same toilet at the same time. 
• However, if you get a bigger house, pay attention to room dimensions. A 13 x 13 family room might seem bigger than what you are used to, but it will feel mighty crowded with five kids and a Christmas tree, not to mention gifts and wrapping paper everywhere and a hot fire in the fireplace you can't get too close to.
• God has a wonderful plan for you. Pray, listen and obey. But if your husband is not supportive, don't do it. Stay aboard the same boat as much as possible.

I could go on and on, but I won't lecture myself too much here. Somewhere else, maybe. That's all for now. I am retiring my forty year old self for the night. Blessings to all of you reading!

 

Random Thoughts

I have made several trips to the cities in the last week. Funny how this stirs the pot of my small town soul.

I have grown accustomed to this little river town and like living here as long as I don't have to leave too often. I get used to the privacy, the wildlife, the space between cars, the quiet skies without airplanes, and the mostly normal looking people. But for some reason, when I get back in the city I realize I miss the action, the diversity, the opportunites, the arts, the shopping conveniences, the proximity to the Mass we attend. When I have several trips to the city within one week it totally eats me up that I ever consented to moving so far away from the metro. I don't know how my dh can stand to commute. He endures the drive beautifully. It's his downtime. Anyway, we are here and God has to have reason for that. Sometimes He even lets me know what they are.

I took my eldest into a Lands' End Inlet to look for shoes. We didn't find anything for her but I was certainly sidetracked by all of the beautiful women's clothing. Made me wish I were a size twelve with an office job. I briefly considered giving myself permission to buy nice clothes in a much larger size for my homeschooling mom job but quickly realized that spit-up and leaky diapers would not be a great thing for $100 sweaters.

Did you use your two for one Caribou coupon two weekends ago? My dh and I did. I discovered that the Northern Lite Coolers taste much better than the hot versions. Much better, if you are counting calories. If not, stick with the Turtle Mocha.

According to the dentist, because I don't floss and just had my fifth baby I had two cavities in need of fillings. For some reason (because I have more than three kids?) every time I have my mouth propped open and full of stuff the dentist chooses to talk about the Duggers, Octo-Mom and people who adopt Russian babies with fetal alcohol syndrome. She spoke about this with her assistant, of course, because I could only grunt in response. I think they should provide keyboards for their patients so we can join the conversation.

I tried to indicate to the dentist that my jaw was hurting from being open so wide so she kept sticking a needle in my gums to numb me up some more. By the time I left I was numb all the way up my left side to my eyelid. After a quick trip to Lakeshore Learning Store we visited Joe at work and met his co-workers. I did the best I could to speak clearly with a mostly numb face. He had time for lunch so we took all the kids to one of those Neapolitan pizzerias. My spinach, artichoke, asiago pizza tasted as gourmet as it sounds, but since half of my lower lip was still numb I bit it several times. Hard. I am still suffering the consequences.

Lakeshore Learning Store has some tempting merchandise for homeschoolers, does it not? Good thing the prices are not so tempting. Quite the splurge for those whose education budget is solely out of pocket. I resisted buying anything this time (pat, pat on the back) but my son had money saved up for some Egyptian digging kit that he wanted.Never mind that he won't be studying ancient Egypt until sixth grade.

We did not make it to the MHS chocolate exhibit on Saturday. My Friday Costco trip got moved to Saturday and it just took too long to drive thirty minutes there and thirty minutes back and unload groceries and eat lunch. The thought of an hour drive to St. Paul was just too exhausting. Maybe another day, even if we miss the free chocolate samples that were offered on opening day.

We did, however, make it to Underwater World the day before, on Friday. We all got in for less than $20! The new seahorse and jellyfish exhibits were worth the trip. Afterward we stopped at the American Girl store. My girls were thrilled but my son, he was in tears. Real tears! That place was torture for him. Another mom noticed and shared that her ten year old boy was also in tears. A trip to the Lego store was an effective antidote.

The Blogger's Tea never really happened, bty. Some of you have asked. Only two, maybe three said they could come so I did not put it on my calendar. Then one friend got me confused about the date, saying that she would love to go on the 11th so we did, just the two of us. One more thought she could come that day and we waited twenty minutes or so for her but she was not able to make it. We did have the proprietor take our picture buy my eyes were half closed so I won't be posting that one. It was still a nice mom's day out and a needed reprieve from the stress of getting school off the ground once more. Maybe next year?

I still need another day to my weekend. We didn't get to take a long hike through the woods but we did walk a considerable time through a corn maze on Sunday. We were reminded of our time there last year - Little Princess was two and a half and still not talking much. In the middle of the corn maze she must have felt fed up and demanded, "GO HOME!" Her speech made great strides after that.

I may not be getting to enjoy all the activities I dream up or even have enough time to be out in this glorious autumn weather but I have to remember that I am still in the season of life where caring for the babies is more important that my chipping toe nail polish, having time for crafts or running a 5K. If we just had the older three I am sure I would have much more "me time" but as Margaret reminds us, "I would certainly not be me without them. In them I haven't lost my identity; rather, I have found it."

My little ones are happy and healthy. My baby is healthy and thriving. I love being my baby's mama and spending time holding him, nursing him and cuddling him. I love how much my other kids love him and realizing what a gift we are giving to them by having more babies. I love how chubby and entertaining he is and from the comments his video clips garnered y'all can see why I am not a daily blogger anymore. He is too yummy and I am too tired from giving 100% all day to everyone and everything. I am tired in a good way. If I get enough sleep.

Enjoy the autumn season - there are so many wonderful fall posts out there celebrating the colors and crisp air. Every single October of my life I feel the way I do now - that I am too busy being in the thick of a new school year to properly enjoy (and bake my way though) this wonderful, glorious month October.

Blessings to you all! My readers are always in my prayers.

The "I Wants"

Do your kids make Christmas lists? Mine have started early this year. We don't spring for many requests between birthdays and Christmas so everything they ask for after their birthday garners the response, "Put it on your Christmas list!"

Their tastes are getting more expensive. Here are some of this year's wishes:

• a hang glider (yeah, right)
• a trampoline (more likely, but not in winter!)
• an American Girl doll (do we have to start that?)
• a rock tumbler (more likely)

Then the Young Explorers catalog arrived and was promptly swiped. The cutting and pasting began. The "I Wants" are like a mosquito bite that itches the more it's scratched. I find myself feeling annoyed the more they talk about their wish lists. I remind them that they are loved, fed, clothed, educated and well cared for - isn't that all they really need? Aren't they grateful?

But - I find that the "I Wants" are also contagious. Their dreaming even gets me thinking about things that would be nice to have if we had thousands of extra dollars. List-maker that I am I do confess to keeping mental lists. Here are a few several  ~

Things for DH:

• a snow thrower (have you seen how much these cost?)
• a garage make-over
• a pressure washer
• a riding lawn mower (except we have no where to put it)
• a generator
• hire out window washing
• hire out some interior painting
• a new car to replace his '96 Accord

The home improvement wish list:

• a new sofa (daily reading time has reduced the life of ours)
• granite counter tops
• ceramic tile the bathrooms
• a deck
• finish the basement
• re-do the flagstone patio that is constantly dirty and weedy and uneven
• re-do some of the garden beds and add a tall white lattice fence behind the east garden to block the view of our neighbor's weeds

The SAHM self-care dream items:

• new maternity clothes (mine are almost all 10 years old!)
• a spa package of regular pedicures, facials, and massages
• quality facial care products now that 40 is coming (next year)
• a professional weight loss program next summer after baby #5
• some new jewelry
• a gym membership and time to exercise

Financial "I Wants" should really come first before all the material wants. Achieving these goals would even free up a chunk of the monthly budget for a few extras:

• pay off my grad school loan
• pay off the van

Nothing urgent, just things that would be nice. Hopefully this is a little sign of detachment, right? My happiness does not depend on getting any of these items. Only a few eat at me a little - like the sagging sofa, dirty windows and the dark den on the north side of the house that could use a brighter hue of paint before daylight savings ends. But mostly, thanks to an abundance of progesterone these days, I am way too tired to get worked up about it!

I also try to avoid voicing these "I Wants" around the children because I don't want to set a bad example. Hopefully I am not the contagious one infecting the children!

Other needs always seem to come first before all the extras anyway - music lessons, winter clothing needs, fireplace cleaning, firewood purchasing and annual piano tuning are the biggies we currently face. Oh, and cell phones. Our Quest service is ending for good and we have to find another phone and another plan or be charged a de-activation fee. Looks like a somewhat necessary splurge (but not really necessary) will be made for I-Phones. Last year's version.

Each of us will probably get at least one thing we want this Christmas, all the time knowing that gifts are not what the Holy Day is really about. Christmas is about Jesus and while gift giving is one way of showing our love for one another, it is certainly not the focus.

The kids like to dream and so do I. I just have to remember a wise adage my mother taught me: If your outgo is more than your income, your upkeep will be your downfall!

Lessons to Learn

Here's what my lack of voice is teaching me today:

• When I whisper the children whisper back. It has been nice and quiet around here today.
• My kids are not as smart as I think they are.
  
• Even though it requires more effort I can still express annoyance when roused.
• I need to chill out about some things. Identification in the first step, right? Here's what's gong on:

1. Smarty pants behavior from my soon-to-be 9yo. Me, "Please put on the baby's coat." Her, "But the baby's coat doesn't fit me!" Do I just need to have a better sense of humor or should this reply be nipped in the bud? Maybe both? If I laugh it off and she sees it does not annoy me will she will stop doing it?
2. Lack of logical thinking from my soon-to-be 9yo. Me, "If 9 x 5 is 45, what is 5 x 9?" Her: blank stare. Repeat. Repeat. She obviously does not get it after weeks and weeks of the multiplication unit in the logically designed Singapore Math book. I spend 30 minutes at the computer printing off multiplication drills for her to do the next, well, how every many weeks it takes! Maybe we need to switch programs.
   
3. Lack of common sense from my 7yo girl. What I say: "Please go check the laundry in the dryer." What I would hope by now she knows I mean: "If it is dry take it out, if it is still wet start the dryer again." What she says, "It's still wet!" Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat until I ask her what she should do next and lecture her on common sense.
4. Whining from 5yo boy. He is at the end of Explode the Code Book 1 and taking the little test at the end. He claims he can't read the three letter word choices as if we have not spent the last year and a half on all the letter sounds. I make him think for himself - it's an evaluation after all. It takes him a half hour or so and he makes several mistakes. Maybe we should take a break from ETC and do hands-on three letter word "works".
   

I think I will rest on the sofa while they are outside playing IN THE SNOW and think of some positive solutions!

Thinking Out Loud

In case I am not getting the silence thing this Lent, God has blessed me with a cold that moved to my throat and left my voice a mere whisper. I am sure I will learn a lesson (or two or three or four) today.

In resuming treadmill exercise I admit my Oprah taping habit has also resumed. While some shows are completely unpalatable others are fascinating. Yesterday's show (that I viewed this morning) featured Oprah's visit to the LDS ranch in TX. You know the one, right? It left me wondering why we are not hearing more about this in Catholic circles - are the differences between us a mere no-brainer or does their lifestyle hit a chord with traditional/orthodox Catholics? We do have much in common . . . I feel like there is a lot left unsaid about this group and a strange silence after the follow-up media coverage. Or maybe I have just missed it.

My overall impression is that these people are happy and healthy and should be left alone to serve God as they they believe. The raid on their compound seemed like overkill and could have been done with more respect.

So much about their way of life seems ideal. They revere their spiritual leader, dress modestly, value children and have a strong work ethic. They are self-sufficient with their system of communal food and clothing. They are by definition a cult, but they sure seem happy living in this cult.

It's the polygomy thing and underage marriages that are so appalling to most of us. While it's difficult to see the value of multiple wives, the understanding I came away with is that, one, they value large families so much that multiple wives serve the purpose of producing many children; and two, that the women living together in community learn many of the same lessons that nuns in a convent would encounter. They rise early, have order to their day, balance prayer and work and learn to get over petty differences that arise in communal living. And the underage marriages? Wasn't the Blessed Virgin underage? Yes, times were different . . . but how and when did this all change? I am not saying I agree, but just want to know more.

Just thinking out loud - I certainly do not intend to be inflammitory here. The means DO NOT justify the end. I just think it interesting that we share many of the same end goals. This issue leaves me feeling curious about Old Testament polygomy and the reasons for and against. I thought I read recently that in O.T. times polygomy was tolerated but not advised.

I also think it is interesting that they consider their temple desecrated. But why can't they re-consecrate the building rather than abandoning it?

I do not have time to read long links but would love to hear some nutshell answers you might have about polygomy and Mormonism. (Like, don't they believe that after they die they will rule their own planet?)

Mostly, learning about this issue (as well as the Octomom - another subject) leaves me feeling grateful to be a part of the Catholic Church!

Weekly Food for Thought

A Holy Experience on homeschooling - some excerpts:

I do not think in any way that homeschooling makes a family virtuous. Homeschooling is not a formula for perfection, nor is homeschooling a panacea for all the sin in this world. We're all messy and fallen and sin-scraped. We and our children are born sinners. Homeschooling will not fix any of that. Only Jesus and His grace can.

Scholastically, our aim for our children asks the same question that esteemed educator Charlotte Mason asked: "The question is not, 'how much does the youth know?' when he has finished his education––but how much does he care? and about how many orders of things does he care? In fact, how large is the room in which he finds his feet set?"

Homeschooling is about going higher up and deeper in, for you learn to sacrificially love in ways you have never loved before. You come to know your own heart in ways you never imagined, the souls of your children in intimate, very real ways.

Read more here and have a lovely weekend, dear friends, whatever your crazy weather. Floods, fires, 10 inches of snow back home in Tulsa (!!!).

Time and Money, Money and Time Ramblings

How are your husbands doing at work? Our you, for those of you who are employed?

The good news at my husband's company is that that there will be not be any lay-offs. The bad news is that no one gets a raise. No raise is better than no job these days!

In years past, raises have helped us to save more, give more and add some expenses to the budget such as music lessons or a car payment. The prospect of not getting that raise has gotten us tightening our belts more than usual.

My mother's adage comes to mind, "If your outgo is more than your income, your upkeep will be your downfall."

Better reign in my upkeep!

And time, how are you doing on time? I spent most of my time in the kitchen today, baking bread, cooking double batches of meals to put in the freezer and grocery shopping. I didn't get to anything else on my list. My husband got to doing the bills and balancing the checkbook as well as refilling the bird feeders, but not much else besides spending time with the children which of course is always valuable. But at the end of the day he remarked, "It's like we need two Saturdays - one for you and one for me!"

Two things came to mind - one was wondering how could I ever find time for a part-time job if we really needed the extra income. The second was how much I miss doing things from 9-11 pm before I started the early morning workout and going to bed early.

Of course that brings to mind the another famous piece of advice, "Early to bed, early to rise makes a man (or woman?) healthy, wealthy and wise."

True?

A New Year

Do you make resolutions? Seems kind of redundant for Catholics. I mean, we make then during Lent. We make some during Advent. We make them when we pray the Act of Contrition and when we go to confession. And I think at those times and in that context we get the grace from God to actually stick to them.

But it doesn't stop me from making them anyway, along with many plans for the new year. So my list for 2009 is an odd mix of resolutions and plans. It looks something like this:

• exercise regularly (after cleaning the basement and reacquainting myself with my treadmill I already feel like less of a blob!)
• start program with nutritionist/chiropractor I've been seeing after the car accident for health overhaul (further thyroid testing, low glycemic diet, de-tox program)
• get mercury fillings out now that the baby is weaned
• read more
• knit more - learn to knit more than just scarves
• bake more bread
• join YMCA this summer
• cook more meals for the freezer for easier weeknights
• go to the North Shore and Canada this summer
• explore future career ideas for my empty nest years (I need more social security points!)
• more love

The last one is the one that's really been bugging me. I need to take some time to recharge my love batteries.

When I struggle daily to get the kids to obey promptly I think "Love makes obedience easy. How much do I really love them and do they really love me? Do I model politeness and patience or are they just deaf and resistant to remembering the steps of our well-posted routines?"

When my husband and I quarrel or at a stand-off I think, "CLANGING CYMBAL!"

And most of all with prayer and Catholic devotions that sometimes feel tedious I think, "True love of God should really be the foundation out of which these devotions flow" and wonder if my efforts are sincere. More on this later - it's on my heart after reading Called Out of Darkness, conversion story of author Ann Rice (thanks, Sheri!)

So this is a small part of my ongoing conversion - more love. Taking joy in serving my family. With real love for God as the foundation of it all.

Thank you, everyone who reads this, for your support and friendship.

I wish you many blessings and graces for the New Year. Pray for me and I will and do pray for you too!

Tracy

Baby Steps

I took the time this morning to kneel by my bed and pray. The house was still quiet. Mostly. I thought I was the only awake person upstairs. Until - my ears heard, "Will you please do my hair?" My eyes saw my daughter smiling brightly holding her comb and pony tail holder. A small part of me wanted to break down and plead, "Can't you see that I am praying? Please leave me alone if you see that I am praying!" And another part wanted to go further, aim and fire, "How can you expect me to be a good and patient mother today if I can't even have time to pray?" and on and on and on.

What happened instead?

I smiled. I said yes. I did her hair, hugged her and drunk her in. I sang to her that song from Captain Kangaroo - "Good morning, Sunshine, hello how do you do? I'm happy to see you and the good times that you bring. Everybody sing . . . "

Hmmm

Like a spa treatment for my stove top -